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DO NOT MENTION HER SMOKY EYES


Oh, the pearls being clutched on behalf of Sarah Huckabee Sanders right now! Oh, the noble denizens of the Beltway coming forward to prove they can transcend political lines to stand up for every human's God-given right to never have her eye shadow referred to as "smoky," because everybody knows it's sexist to make jokes about a person's constant lying by referencing makeup. Oh, the "Morning Joe" hosts who are actually mad somebody made a really funny joke about how their own relationship is kind of like a "#MeToo that worked out," therefore they are imprinting their rage about that onto the Sarah Huckabee Sanders thing. It's almost like some of these people are so highly protective because Sanders is one of their most prized sources, the person who is "according to a senior White House official" more than any other. (Is that it, Maggie Haberman? Does Sanders just LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE from the podium and then immediately start whispering in White House Press Corps journalists' ears about what's really going on?)

Oh, Matt and Mercy Schlapp, DC Republican power couple joined in the bonds of holy matrimonial conservative snowflake victimhood, loudly walking out of the White House Correspondents Dinner in a public show of "we're oppressed and we're not gonna take it anymore!" In fact they were so oppressed they went out and stood in the lobby for a little while, or maybe they went and got a cocktail at a regular American watering hole, before showing up at the NBC/MSNBC after-party, to schmooze. Today, they are on every TV network, he the president of the American Conservative Union and she the White House comms director, licking their wounds and saying it's NOT FAIR for journalists -- or comedians, we guess -- to call liars liars, because it will hurt reg'lar Americans' feelings.

With this kind of backlash, you'd think Michelle Wolf had called Sarah Huckabee Sanders a "debased redneck motherfucker" or something. But nah, Wonkette did that. After a week where she was just awful and dishonest even more intensely than usual, Sanders responded to Donald Trump tweeting fake Muslim torture porn videos by saying "the threat is real," and that the president is just trying to let us know about the scary bad Muslims, even if his tweets were literally all fake. We went hard at her because what she said was foul and disgusting and terrible, even for her. So naturally, in return, we got emails from debased redneck motherfuckers all across America threatening to kill our dog, which is weird because A) our dog? Really? Isn't that Sanders's brother's job? and B) we didn't even say anything about the press secretary's eye shadow choices.

We're pretty sure those emailers weren't defending Sanders in order to preserve their access to "according to a senior White House official." It's almost as if there's something else going on here, a difference between why the Andrea Mitchells of the world are going all in for that asshole and why "regular Americans" like the Schlapps are doing so. When we became the distraction du jour for Breitbart and The Daily Caller over our comments about Sanders, we theorized that part of it is that we, a City Southern, went after Sanders, who'd really like you to believe she is a simple Country Southern, but is actually part of a powerful GOP political family, as a "redneck." And indeed, much of the weeping and gnashing of teeth right now is of the "MEAN COASTAL ELITES RIPPIN' ON POOR SARAH, CHAMPION OF THE COMMON PEOPLE" genre.

We think part of it, then as now, is that conservatives have a collectively shitty sense of humor, don't really understand jokes in the first place, don't know what "sexism" is, and just in general are pretty stupid people. (And are also intellectually dishonest.) When Wonkette yelled at Sarah Huckabee Sanders without mentioning anything gendered even once, we were called "sexist." When Michelle Wolf goes after Sarah Huckabee Sanders for her constant lying, and creatively turns it into a joke about her "smoky eye," or makes a joke about how Sanders, in her role as White House spokes-liar, reminds her of Aunt Lydia, it is an ATTACK ON ALL WOMEN. Or at least, an attack on conservative women, because there is a DOUBLE STANDERT! where conservative women aren't allowed to be as racist and dishonest as a common Donald Trump without having mean liberals call them lying assholes for it. The world is truly unfair.

Thank goodness there are funny conservative comedians out there, to provide zingers from the other side of the political aisle:

OK, they will provide zingers by Wednesday at the very latest. Got some very important bellyaching and crying to do before then.

Or maybe Steve Schmidt is on to something here:

Oh yes, he's on to something. What all these conservative whiners were confronted with at the White House Correspondents Dinner, up close and personal, is the reality that, even if they barely and with Outside Help eked out a "victory" in this past election, they still don't have the culture, and they never will, and they cannot stand that the majority of Americans see right through their hypocritical bullshit. (No smoky eyes clouding their vision!)

And the Maggie Habermans and Chris Cillizzas and Morning Joes of the world? They're not pissed about the Sanders jokes, they're pissed because they got dunked on Saturday night too.

They'll live through it.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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We want to say right here at the outset that we hate Julian Assange. Aside from the sexual assault allegations against him, and aside from the fact that he's just a generally stinky and loathsome person who reportedly smeared poop on the walls at the Ecuadorian embassy in London, while reportedly not taking care of his cat, an innocent creature, he acted as Russia's handmaiden during the 2016 election, in order to further Russia's campaign to steal it for Donald Trump. All signs point to his campaign being a success!

So we are justifiably happy when bad things happen to Julian Assange. We are happy his name is shit the world over, and that any reputation WikiLeaks used to have for being on the side of freedom and transparency has been stuffed down the toilet where it belongs. We are happy he looked like such a sad-ass loser when the Ecuadorian embassy finally kicked him out and he was arrested.

And quite frankly, we were OK with the initial charge against him recently unsealed in the Eastern District of Virginia. If you'll remember, he was charged with trying to help Chelsea Manning hack a password into the Defense Department, which is not what journalists do. Journalists do not drive the get-away car for sources. Journalists do not hold their sources' hair back while they're stealing classified intel. Assange is essentially accused of doing all that.

Now, put all that aside. Because -- and this is key -- journalists do publish secrets they are provided by sources. That's First Amendment, chapter and verse, American as fucking apple pie and fast-food-induced diabetes. And that is what much of the superseding indictment of Assange unsealed yesterday was about. (And nope, it wasn't about anything regarding Assange's ratfucking the 2016 election or Hillary's emails. Why would the Trump Justice Department prosecute anything about that? It's all about the older Chelsea Manning stuff, the stuff the Obama Justice Department considered charging Assange with, but ultimately declined, because of that little thing called the First Amendment.)

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The pharmaceutical giant Gilead Sciences, Inc. -- heck of a name for these times -- recently announced US sales of a generic version of its HIV prevention drug Truvada would begin a year earlier than originally planned. The stepped-up schedule for the generic was at least in part the result of pressure from activists, who have made a lot of noise about the fact that Gilead's huge revenues from Truvada -- about $3 billion annually -- came only after the basic research for the drug was done at taxpayer expense, largely through grants from the Centers for Disease Control, which holds the patent on the drug.

At a House Oversight Committee hearing last week, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez let one of the witnesses, Gilead CEO Daniel O'Day, know she wasn't personally blaming him or his greed for the high cost of the drug, which prevents the spread of HIV through "pre-exposure prophylaxis" (PrEP). No, that's all a result of the terrible incentives that come from the fact that the US, alone among developed countries, treats healthcare as a commodity, not a right for all. Which is why a monthly supply of Truvada costs nearly $1800 here, and roughly eight dollars in Australia.

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