Did Roid-Rage Bigot Attorney Aaron Schlossberg's Partner Run Screaming Away From Him? Looks Like!

Post-Racial America

New York Attorney Aaron Schlossberg became very, very famous yesterday after video footage of him berating two women for speaking in Spanish, to each other and not to him, surfaced on the internet. He was deeply upset about this and threatened to call ICE, as this is AMERICA and it is illegal to speak any language other than English here. Except that it is not.

As it turns out, this is not the first time Schlossberg's rage has been documented on film, for all the world to see. Around this same time last year, he joined a bunch of other Trump supporters in screaming hysterically like weirdos about how Jewish people who supported the Free Palestine movement were not even real Jewish people. Except that they are!

After the video went viral, the internet did its thing -- identified him, left bad reviews on the Yelp page for his law firm, and learned a lot of things about him through his social media and websites. Like how he literally brags about speaking multiple languages on his website and his LinkedIn page.

Mr. Schlossberg is a published author and a seasoned presenter. He is fluent in Spanish, conversational in French and has basic knowledge of Mandarin Chinese and Hebrew. Mr. Schlossberg is a member of the New York State Bar Association and is admitted to the following courts: New York State, Eastern and Southern Districts of New York, United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit.

Yes, he is fluent in Spanish. One wonders how he managed to do that without ever speaking Spanish on American soil!

Another development that will shock literally no one is that he donated $500 to Donald Trump's presidential campaign.

CURIOUSLY, when I looked at his page yesterday, there were pictures and profiles of both him and his partner, a pretty blonde lady.

When I went to look just now? Poof! Blonde lady was outta there. (Edit: Accidentally used the same pic twice before, this is the one I meant to use! -- RP)

I also accidentally stumbled upon some Aaron Schlossberg clip art for everyone to enjoy. Do with that what you will.

One of the most glorious finds, though, was this trade off of LinkedIn testimonials... with his mom.

Since his meteoric rise to infamy, New York reporters have been trying to get a statement from him about the incident, to not much avail. For some reason, despite having been so eager to hysterically air his grievances against an employee communicating with a Spanish-speaking customer in Spanish instead of punching her in the face as we guess is proper, he was not very eager to defend his viewpoint today. Instead, he hid under an umbrella, running away from New York Post reporters who just wanted to know how he decided it was a good idea to be a terrible racist.

The best part is where he called someone (maybe ICE?) to complain about how the reporters were grabbing him, which we can clearly see from the video they are not.

“Please send help,” Schlossberg was then heard saying into his cellphone. “They’re claiming things that aren’t true … grabbing me, not letting me walk.”

“They won’t let me move. They’re surrounding me,” Schlossberg said on the call before hopping into a yellow cab on West 60th Street near Tenth Avenue.

Oh, the poor baby.

Schlossberg was also confronted by another reporter, this time from PIX11, in a Queens court.

Again, he was silent. But other lawyers were not!

Despite his reluctance to talk to the press at this juncture, I am still taking bets on when he appears on Fox & Friends and they try to turn him into a martyr.

[New York Post]

Fuck that guy. Also please give us money.

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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