Did Trump Commute Rod Blagojevich's Sentence For CRIME Reasons Or For DUMBASS Reasons? Yes.

President TyrantStupid is saying the quiet part loud again:

Let's piece this apart.

"Rod Blagojevich did not sell the Senate seat."

No, he didn't, because he got fucking caught before he could. And why did he get caught? Legal "wire tapps."

Know what Trump really hates? "Wire tapps," especially if they're a figment of his imagination and he thinks they're climbing all over him like spiders, having been placed there by Barack Obama. Know what else Trump really hates? Getting caught before he can complete a crime, the way he did in September of 2019, when he had illegally held up aid money for Ukraine to extort Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy into announcing investigations into the Bidens and Trump's pet Kremlin conspiracy theories about Ukrainian meddling in the 2016 election.

"Another Comey and gang deal!"

There it is. The real reason Trump commuted Rod Blagojevich's sentence.

Here's Trump explaining more of his "reasoning":

TRUMP: I watched his wife on television. I don't know him very well, I've met him a couple of times, he was on for a short while on "The Apprentice" years ago, seemed like a very nice person, don't know him. [...]

It was a prosecution by the same people, Comey, Fitzpatrick, the same group ...

But was it, Donald? Was it?

It was not, at least not the way this incurious bastard understands it.

You see, somebody told Donald Trump that the same witch hunt Deep Staters who tried to take him down also took Rod Blagojevich down. (And they did it with "wire tapps"!) And that somebody was Blagojevich's dumbass wife Patti — and maybe others, who knows! — who went on Fox News incessantly to fill the network's greatest dumbfuck superfan's impressionable brain with misinformation about what happened to her dear, fucked-up-looking crime-husband.

Patti Blagojevich, Fox News, May 2018:

"I see that these same people that did this to my family, [who] secretly taped us, twisted the facts, perverted the law [which put] my husband in jail — These people are trying to do it on a larger scale (to Trump)," she said.

Patti Blagojevich, Fox News, June 2018:

"They [prosecutors] create crimes where there are no crimes," Mrs. Blagojevich said. "They make up crimes. They make a big splash in the press just to bring down people who are controversial or who they don't like."

Mrs. Blagojevich said that the "same people" who "went after" her husband are "going after" Trump now.

"They are trying to undo elections and play politics instead of doing what they are supposed to do," she said.

She was singing his own tune directly into his ear, wasn't she? She might as well have done a song-and-dance routine to his own whinyass tweets. And it sure as hell worked! So maybe she is not actually a dumbass, like we so RUDELY called her, but rather just a good conman who knows an easy mark when she sees one.

But wait, again, was this actually a "Comey and gang" prosecution? Sure! Except for how James Comey left the deputy attorney general position in 2005 and was in the private sector for eight years before returning as FBI director in 2013. Blago was charged at the end of 2008 and was already in prison by 2013, President Dipshit.


Well aside from that, it's true that former Chicago US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald is a Comey pal, and that Robert Mueller was FBI director when Blago was charged.

We already knew, hilariously, that the idea of commuting Blago's sentence was a Jared Kushner Special, because any time you EVER hear that Trump has done something in order to appeal to Democrats, but which actually appeals to zero Democrats, we always always ALWAYS find out eventually that it was Jared Kushner's bright idea. You know, because he is so good at "Democrats."

But it was not just that, apparently! No, Trump did this because somewhere in his fucked seemingly syphilitic wannabe-dictator brain, he identified with the unfairness of getting caught doing corruption crimes (which means you don't even get to finish the corruption crimes, UNFAIR!), and because (he thinks) the same exact people who witch-hunted him also witch-hunted that loser Blagojevich.

In the Trump video above, he makes sure to note that Blago was a Democrat (why aren't the Democrats embracing this, Jared?????), but we should note that Blago seems to have changed political parties:

Just call yourself a criminal, dude.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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