Thought you were "doing the right thing" by drinking diet soda instead of the usual corn-syrup sludge that makes up the primary source of calories for Americans? Well, sorry, you are still going to become obese and die of diabetes and cancer, soon. Diet soda -- and god only knows what is actually in Diet Soda -- has been proven to make you just as fat and miserable as the non-diet variety. Turns out that drinking several gallons of bubbly chemical poison every day is bad for you, no matter if the corn syrup has been removed by radiation chemicals or not!

They found that diet soda drinkers' waists grew 70 percent more than non-drinkers. Specifically, drinking two or more diet sodas a day busted belt sizes five times more than people who avoided the stuff entirely.

And as waist size grows, so do health risks - including diabetes, heart disease, cancer, and other chronic conditions.

The researchers suggest "water" -- if it's not radioactive or contaminated by the faddish new natural gas industry poison of "fracking" -- is a safe alternative to the four-hundred brands of Wonka's fizzy lifting drink/pesticide, but how is that even American, to drink something that doesn't come in a two-liter bottle with a coupon on the label to see Transformers XII: The Final Dildo for half-off, with the purchase of yet another 72-ounce soda pop? [CBS News]