Do Us A Favor, Though: Get Wonkette Merch For Everyone On Your Holiday List
OK, listen up you HUMAN SCUM! It's your Doktor Zoom, and we need to have a word. A word about MOVING PRODUCT.
Yr Wonkette has t-shirts and coffee mugs and shot glasses to move, and you, our beloved readers, have holiday shopping needs. Let's see if we can't come to a mutually beneficial arrangement, OK? Sure would be a shame if we had to withhold military aid to you because you aren't buying Wonkette merch for all your relatives, and selected frenemies. So if you know what's good for you (snark and politics and stuff), you'll do your patriotic duty and GO SHOPPING. (Haha, remember when, in a more innocent era, we thought that was as bad and stupid and vulgar as it could get?)
Lovely Wonkette Shot Glasses? You Bet Your Asses!
Look! Look! We made you pretty ICONS OF IMPEACHMENT! They feature St. Masha Yovanaovitch, St. Fiona Hill, St. Sexy David Holmes, and St. Not Sexy Alex Vindman, who just has a very round head. And a twin brother (not included).
Your other options are THE WOMEN, the WONKETTE SUPERFAN PACK, and the RUDE PACK. They are $28 which includes FREE SHIPPING in the US, because we love you.
Look at these shot glasses! JUST LOOK AT THEM!
Say HAPPY HOLIDAYS, FUCKER! With The Candidate Of Your Choice!
Wonkette's 2020-themed candidate merch is bold, smart, and easy on the eyes. Just like a number of the candidates, and we'll just let you decide for yourselves which ones we have in mind! (Hint: not John Delaney.)
We have a veritable PLETHORA Of Mayor Pete designs!
And our JOE BIDEN designs are full of anything but Malarkey!
And heck, we still have a stock of stuff for candidates who aren't technically "running" "anymore," as if that were any reason not to proclaim your love! KAMALA! (Some are even on sale if we happen to have already printed them in that size. Hint: check the blue women.) And BETO! And KRISTEN GILLIBRAND!
Did You Say IMPEACHMENTWEAR? Why? It's Not Even A Word!
Our IMPEACHMENT FEVER tee is available in full Travolta-parody mode...
And if you'd like a version without That Man's gross face, we have those too!
Also the popular red hat parody that says something far more palatable!
Now, you may be saying to yourself, "But Doktor Zoom, my loved one is not political!" We say to you that "Doktor Zoom" is a strange thing to say to yourself, since that is us.
Or just money us straight. It's the season. Pay the piper. Sing a song of sixpence and two turtledoves. We love you, open thread, GOODBYE.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.