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Happy Friday, Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


The new jobs report is out and there was more job growth than expected, unemployment went up a smidge and wage growth is still lagging. Also, Donald Trump STILL hasn't been able to give all those big corporate handouts to all the big businesses like he wants.

Photos of the G-20 are going viral already this morning after Trump and Macron were shoved off to the sides, and Merkel in the middle (as is custom for the host country).

OMG, did you guys know that everyone at the G-20 is talking about John Podesta's secret risotto recipe? It's true! Donald Trump said so!

Rachel Maddow 'splainered (in great detail) about how SOMEONE or SOMETHING is making fake Trump-Russia documents and shopping them around to various media outlets to see who bites.

Robert Mueller has "You're Hired" Zainab Ahmad, an all star prosecutor who kicks all kinds of Al Qaeda ass, as part of his justice league of extraordinary investigators.

Trump is trying to win over Rand Paul because nobody wants to screw over poor people like a man who secretly cosplays as John Galt.

Speaker Paul Ryan, Texas Republican Rep. Mike Conaway and Oklahoma Republican Sen. James Inhofe have been padding their stock portfolios with health insurance stocks. It's not "insider trading," it's just coincidence, baby. You know how these things work. Some of the guys are at the cocktail bar, you get a couple of drinks, and things just kind of slip out.

Mitch McConnell admits that if TrumpCare fails they'll have to work with Democrats to fund the ACA and keep the insurance markets from collapsing. Keep your eyes open, the Zero Hour is when the bad guys start to work deeper in the shadows.

Some Republican senators are admitting that the ACA might not be that bad at their town halls, seeing as how all those death panels aren't actually killing people.

Conservatives in the House are working overtime to kill the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, and they're coincidentally getting millions from PACs with ties to commercial banks who want to remove predatory lending rules and other regulations that make it hard to screw people.

Eighteen states and DC have teamed up with consumer groups to sue Betsy DeVos for delaying student loan protection rules meant to punish fake for-profit colleges and get a handle on the student loan crisis.

Jerry Fallwell Jr. is hoping he can pull back Title IX protections as he “believes on-campus sexual assault investigations are best left to police and prosecutors.” I'm not sure that's what Jesus would have wanted, but I don't really hang out with hippies. [h/t Rewire]

The House is enforcing its draconian dress code again and barring lady reporters from showing some shoulders during DC's swamp-ass season. It's not a new policy, but it's also stupid. [h/t The Slot]

Conservatives are moving ahead on new rules to "You're Fired" federal workers in their effort to "modernize" the government.

The DOJ is mad that sanctuary cities are openly defying Jeff Sessions and that they're boldly violating federal laws that no one has ever had to violate before.

Republicans are pissed that Bernie Sanders was mean to a Trump nominee for being a bigot last month so they wrote a memo bitching out Bernie for imposing a "religious test" on this asshole who wrote a blog post defending a pay-to-pray Jesus college for You're Firing a professor who thought Muslims were good people.

According to Democrats, the GOP is mysteriously having a hard time finding Senate candidates to run in 2018. Maybe they could ask the House to form a committee and investigate?

Two nice ladies in Virginia want to challenge Rep. Barbara Comstock in 2018. Alison Kiehl Friedman is a anti-human-trafficking activist, and Lindsey Davis Stover is a veterans affairs policy wonk, and they've both raised hundreds of thousands of Ameros in about two months!

The Illinois House voted to override Republican Gov. Bruce Rauner's budget veto, giving Illinois its first budget in over two years. The state will see roads fixed, universities and schools being funded, an income and corporate tax hike, and (hopefully) anti-violence programs re-energized. [Local Video]

New Jersey, Illinois, and Maine aren't outliers: Numerous state have serious economic problems as conservative tax cuts haven't brought in expected revenues, thus proving the invisible hand of the free market can't just wander around aimlessly in darkness.

The Museum of the Bible may be in real trouble now that Hobby Lobby has to send all its stolen Jesus junk back to Iraq from whence it came. "And nothing of value was lost."

Maine Gov. Paul LePage thinks all us print media elites are just making up the news because we're always so mean to him.

Pizzagate almost killed Comet Ping Pong in DC, but DC regulars came to the rescue because not only is Comet Pizza actually an awesome place for good beer, pizza, punk shows, and dance parties, but the owner, James Alefantis, is a really nice guy IRL.

EU leaders are warning Trump that he could initiate a trade war if he keeps running his big, fat, fried-food-filled mouth about tariffs and import restrictions.

Hackers working for Not America have been trying to breach nuclear facilities using a combination of clever maneuvers in the real world (AKA: meat space) and cyber space.

An animal shelter is calling "bullshit" on Lena Dunham's animal abuse allegations seeing as how they are legally obligated to keep records, not lie, or fudge facts like Lena Dunaham does about serious issues just to get attention.

CNN employees are being harassed by "alt-right" crazies, including the minions of James O'Keefe.

Fox Business Network has suspended Charles Payne over sexual assault allegations after a super market tabloid reported on his sexy-times with an on-air analyst who wasn't his wife. Meh.

Tucker Carlson is scared emojis are killing us and the reason why 'Mericans don't have jobs. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

And here's your morning Nice Time! A baby orangutan!

We need Ameros to fight the good fight, and stay ad-free!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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