DOJ Investigating Trump's Top Secret Mar-a-Lago Boxes Maybe Sorta Kinda Allegedly Not Sure Could Be Though

Here's a piece of news that's either real big or it isn't!

Know how the Department of Merrick Garland has been like "OMG WE KNOW" and giving reporters all kinds of reassurances that it is DEFINITELY doing some real hardcore investigatin' and it is DEFINITELY gonna do some visible stuff real soon to bring January 6 perps to justice and DEFINITELY you should shut up and be patient?

Well according to the Washington Post, DOJ is definitely perhaps kinda sorta for sure but who knows maybe not but we emphasize DEFINITELY about to get started putting together a plan to think about perhaps calling its best friend to discuss the preliminary moves it should make if it wants to at some point in the future investigate those boxes of top secret classified material Donald Trump stole from the White House and stored in his butthole down at Mar-a-Lago.

The Post's LOL-gitimate headline is "DOJ plans to investigate boxes of records taken to Trump’s Mar-a-Lago," in case you are not sure this is perhaps a potential story. They plan to! For real!


The Justice Department has begun taking steps to investigate former president Donald Trump’s removal of presidential records to Mar-a-Lago — some of which were labeled “top secret,” people familiar with the matter said.

DOJ has "begun taking steps."

The people, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss the sensitive matter, said the probe remained in the very early stages.

Don't get a hard-on yet, we hear them saying.

It’s not yet clear if Justice Department officials have begun reviewing the materials in the boxes or seeking to interview those who might have seen them or been involved in assembling and moving them.

Maybe they are just casually walking by open conference rooms at DOJ and saying to no one in particular, "We guess we could spread out all the stuff from the boxes on that table. Or not."

The Post notes that there seems to be some urgency to the matter, as on Thursday, House Oversight Committee Chair Carolyn Maloney sent the DOJ a letter that reads to us like she's saying that either DOJ has some secret investigation into the top secret classified shit Trump stole, or they are simply obstructing her own congressional investigation into same.

In a letter addressed to Attorney General Merrick Garland, Maloney alleges that the Justice Department is “interfering” with the investigation by preventing the National Archives and Records Administration (NARA) from handing over a detailed inventory of the contents of the recovered boxes. [...]

“The Committee does not wish to interfere in any manner with any potential or ongoing investigation by the Department of Justice,” Maloney wrote. “However, the Committee has not received any explanation as to why the Department is preventing NARA from providing information to the Committee that relates to compliance with the [Presidential Records Act], including unclassified information describing the contents of the 15 boxes from Mar-a-Lago.”

That is congressional-ese for "Fuck ya doin' over there, Merrick?"

And the answer is, well, we dunno.

It is unclear to what extent the Justice Department already has assessed the contents of the boxes, which the National Archives arranged to retrieve from Mar-a-Lago in January — including documents clearly marked as classified, The Washington Post previously reported.

Maybe they just counted the boxes. "Is it still 15 boxes?" "Yes." "OK just checking." We don't know if that's a conversation they've been having at DOJ, but maybe.

The Justice Department, though, has been in touch with the Archives about moving its own inquiry forward, people familiar with the matter said.

Oh that's good. Allegedly.

Addressing the matter previously, Garland said the department would “do what we always do under these circumstances — look at the facts and the law and take it from there.”

Ayup.

An FBI spokeswoman told The Post, “We can neither confirm nor deny the existence of an investigation.”

Well clearly not. And we wouldn't expect them to.

Maloney said in her letter that DOJ needs to please tell NARA by next Thursday the 14th if NARA is allowed to fully cooperate with Congress. Which we guess would give us our answer.

We're gonna be dicks about this until we see some fuckin' accountability for the terrorist attack Donald Trump incited on January 6 in order to try to overthrow the American government, and no we do not mean fuckin' Oath Boys or Proud Keepers who did the actual grunt work, we mean the people who wielded the fuckin' power.

Just so we're fuckin' clear on that. Gonna be dicks.

[Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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