BREAKING NEWS. Donald Trump Jr. is being gross. No, more than usual. We don't mean "Oh YUCK, you guys, Junior left his house without his grocery bag over his head again and now a bunch of people are at the emergency room complaining they saw something gross and their eyes hurt now."
By now, you may have heard that Dipshit and his very normal girlfriend Kim Guilfoyle did an interview with the Daily Mail, and he said that in this #MeToo moment, after Dr. Christine Blasey Ford heroically and historically told the story of the time Brett Kavanaugh tried to rape her at a small house party during high school, he is really, really scared. Specifically, he is scared for his sons, but not his daughters, because why would he even be thinking about his daughters during such a time as this? Dipshit knows the real threat, and it is that his boys are going to grow up and some day some gross GIRLS are going to lie on them and accuse them of rape, because that is just such a common thing:
Donald Trump Jr. says that in an age when lives can be ruined on both sides of he-said, she-said sexual misconduct claims, he fears more for his sons than for his daughters.
'I mean, right now, I'd say my sons,' the father of five told DailyMailTV during a campaign swing to support Montana Republican U.S. Senate candidate Matt Rosendale. [...]
'I've got boys, and I've got girls. And when I see what's going on right now, it's scary,' he said in his first-ever joint interview on camera with girlfriend Kimberly Guilfoyle.
FOR BOYS. It's scary FOR BOYS.
Yes, how DARE Christine Blasey Ford tell her husband and her therapist years ago that a known federal judge named Brett Kavanaugh tried to rape her when they were in high school, and then keep that information SECRET from everybody until the year 2018, when she -- while seeking to remain anonymous -- told her congresswoman and her senator that this guy tried to rape her, and not because Donald Trump had chosen him for the Supreme Court, but because his name was on Trump's short list. How dare she! How dare she try to deny Brett Kavanaugh his birthright as a rich white boy who went to Yale as a legacy student and then proceeded to lie about that fact to Congress under oath! How dare she work that years-long con like that, which she obviously did as part of a conspiracy that involves Hillary Clinton and George Soros and the Illuminati and probably also Beyoncé?
Donald Trump Jr. clearly knows about why he should be worried for his boys, because their own grandfather has been hounded for years by all these Bitches What Be Lyin' (16 to be exact, so far). Even worse than that, the Hillary Deep State is so scheming it caused his dad to order his lawyer Michael Cohen to pay (at least) two of those women off, to keep them from telling their stories about how Donald Trump had extramarital affairs with them. Some of those accusers have even said Junior's dad sexually assaulted them! Some of those ladies are even HIS MOM, who once claimed his dad raped her!
Who do women even think they are, if they can be victims of sexual assault or rape and then name their accusers out loud? Oh what a world!
Don Jr. is not the only one who's saying this. It seems to have become a Republican response to the Brett Kavanaugh fiasco, as reported by Fox News's Martha MacCallum on Twitter:
I keep hearing from Moms of sons, who fear that due process is dead and that if BK goes down, it will set an unfair… https://t.co/UqM2j3SMYC— Martha MacCallum (@Martha MacCallum) 1538192731.0
All these moms of sons are so scared, and nobody seems willing to tell them that "due process" doesn't mean their precious sons have to be wearing a GoPro on their dicks at all times for any claims of sexual assault against them to be considered valid.
Here's an idea, for Don Jr. and Martha McCallum and all the Republicans out there who have bought into this false notion that women are such conniving beings that they spend all day trying to figure out how to cry rape against totally innocent boys who would never even think of doing such a thing, and definitely not after a long night of getting blackout drunk and boofing with Mark Judge. What if you TEACH YOUR BOYS NOT TO RAPE?
What if you teach them what consent means, early and often, and that, despite what Brett Kavanaugh's fraternity might teach, no does not mean yes, and yes only means anal if the man or woman their sons would like to have sex with have expressed a desire for anal?
We know we are being CUH-RAZY here, because privileged white men expect to get away with it without ever worrying they might not be granted every little wish their hearts desire. And this really might be a bridge too far for Donald Trump Jr., considering Daddy's track record. Hell, it might bother him personally. (He has seemed very triggered by all this Brett Kavanaugh stuff.) We're not saying we have evidence that Don has ever done anything in his life that might land him in a situation like Kavanaugh's, but if that happens, we will not be surprised. He just doesn't have a face that screams, "People have sex with me because they want to."
The point is that Donald Trump Jr. is gross and should STFU with his gross face, and also remember to wear his paper bag on his head at all times, for America's safety.
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