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Look into each other's eyes.


There's a battle of halfwits going on right now, between presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump and the pinchable face cheeks of House Speaker Paul Ryan. Ryan's been waffling back and forth on Trump, saying he doesn't like it for the GOP frontrunner to be such an unhinged egomaniacal racist, but never actually saying he won't support him. But then last week, he started dipping his dick in the Trump waters, saying, oh well, we "come from the same principles." Could there be love on the horizon?

Hard to say, because Paul Ryan has gone off script! He told the journalist called Jake Tapper that right now, he abso-tively posi-lutely cannot support Trump, because reasons, and he most certainly will not change his mind on that, until he does:

I'm just not ready to do that at this point. I'm not there right now ... I thought about this two days ago. I thought, actually, this thing was going to go to June 7 at the very least — probably to a convention, and so this is all pretty new for us. The bulk of the burden on unifying the party will have to come from our presumptive nominee. I don't want to underplay what he accomplished. ... But he also inherits something very special, that's very special to a lot of us. This is the party of Lincoln and Reagan and Jack Kemp. And we don't always nominate a Lincoln or a Reagan every four years, but we hope that our nominee aspires to be Lincoln- or Reagan-esque -- that that person advances the principles of our party and appeals to a wide, vast majority of Americans ...

BLAH BLAH high-minded bullshit about how the GOP is supposedly some sort of Noble Institution worth saving, AS IF, LOSER. (Also ... Jack Kemp???) But he's just not ready, you guys! He and Trump have only been on like three dates, and Paul Ryan's mom said people who "endorse" on the third date are sluts, so just ... give him time. And be gentle, OK?

Well, would you possibly believe that Donald Trump was not happy with this idea that he "inherited" the party, and that he took to Twitter to bitch about it? UNPOSSIBLE, we know, but that has happened:

And would you believe Trump is just real pissy, in general, about how Paul Ryan is being such a hard-to-get prick-tease, and that he bitched on Twitter about that too?

And would you believe Trump also went on the "Fox & Friends" dildo-brain hour, and made some more mouth-bitching?

“I was really surprised,” Mr. Trump said of the Wisconsin congressman’s remarks. “By the way, many other people were surprised by it, and some were really surprised by it, and not happy about it.”

“You talk about unity, but what is this?” Mr. Trump said. “With billions of people coming into the party, obviously I’m saying the right thing.”

"Billions" of people coming into the party? We don't want to be presumptive, but we wonder if maybe The Donald is not all that good at mathing.

Trump wants the last word at all times, so he also said in a statement that he isn't ready to support "Paul Ryan's agenda" either, so nanny nanny boo boo, Make America Great Again!

So now that Trump and Ryan are making rage-boners at each other, Republicans are putting together a little beer summit/coffee chat/circle jerk meeting for these two boys, so they can learn to help a buddy out and see into each other's eyes. RNC chair Reince Priebus is confident that Ryan, when he's ready and once he feels comfortable with Trump, will Do The Deed and endorse:

“I think Paul’s just being honest with how he feels,” said Mr. Priebus, who is close to Mr. Ryan, adding that he expects that the meeting between the two men will still take place and that the speaker will support the nominee eventually.

“He said he’s not there yet, but he wants to get there,” Mr. Priebus said.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/595270/paul-ryan-grabs-his-ankles-for-gop-wingnuts-will-be-speaker-until-they-kill-him-too"></a>[/wonkbar]Awwwww! This will work. Because Paul Ryan, adorable man that he is, is a total wuss. He's always like "I DON'T WANNA I DON'T WANNA I DON'T WANNA, oh fine, I guess I will." He did it in the lead-up to becoming speaker of the House, and he will do it with Trump, WHEN HE'S READY.

The only question left is will the RNC provide lube, or will Paul Ryan have to bring his own, as per usual.

[Esquire / New York Times / L.A. Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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