Donald Trump Calls Fauci Idiot, Explains He Loves Fauci Whole Lot, For A Useless Idiot

Donald Trump continued his slow motion self-immolation Monday, telling campaign staff in a phone call that was supposed to be a home stretch pep talk that Dr. Anthony Fauci is a "disaster" and that people are tired of hearing Fauci be such a complete bummer about the pandemic, which the American people are also totally done with because they'd rather be praising Donald Trump for being such a great leader. On the call, which included reporters, Trump explained,

People are tired of COVID. People are saying, "Whatever, just leave us alone." People are tired of hearing Fauci and all these idiots. [...]

He's been here for, like, 500 years. He's like this wonderful sage telling us how — Fauci, if we listened to him, we'd have 700,000 [or] 800,000 deaths.

Trump didn't explain that last bit of craziness, but it's probably yet another iteration of Trump's belief that his partial restrictions on incoming flights from China saved all the lives, and that all his lies and inaction since then were also the very best, life-saving lies and inaction. (Also, fact-check: Fauci initially said at a January 24 meeting that travel restrictions would do little to contain the virus, but when the partial ban was announced January 31, Fauci supported it. By then, the virus was already spreading. The country's biggest early wave of infections, in New York, was well underway by the time Trump banned most flights from Europe.)

Trump was very cheesed off because Fauci said in a "60 Minutes" interview that he was "absolutely not" surprised Trump was infected with the virus earlier this month, roughly a century ago, given Trump's lax safety measures at multiple White House and campaign events. Fauci also said the administration had limited his press appearances, which led Trump to bitch during Monday's call that "every time he goes on television, there's always a bomb. But there's a bigger bomb if you fire him." So what is poor Trump to do, other than sideline Fauci and embrace that dear, dear, Dr. Scott Atlas, who says letting everyone get infected is a neat idea (while protecting, somehow, the elderly, don't forget he says that).

While he was at it, Trump said he didn't care who heard him trashing Fauci, that idiot disaster who doesn't know anything and should be fired except that would be an even bigger bomb: "If there's a reporter on, you can have it just the way I said it. I couldn't care less."

Trump must have really thought he aced that pep talk to his staff, since he continued abusing Fauci in tweets Monday, pointing out that he totally blew a ceremonial first pitch at a sportsball game, so what does that loser know about infectious disease?

Take that, 2019 World Series champion Washington Nationals, you are not a good standard for epidemiology! Guess that means the Nats' ace closer, Sean Doolittle, won't be put in charge of the national pandemic response, especially given his treasonous refusal to eat half-warm salmonella burgers at the White House.

Trump must have been thinking about his excellent burn of Fauci all day, because when he traveled to hold superspreader slob picnics in Arizona, he repeated most of what he'd said on the call:

They're getting tired of the pandemic aren't they? Getting tired of the pandemic. You turn on CNN. That's all they cover. COVID, COVID, pandemic, COVID, COVID, COVID, COVID. You know why? They're trying to talk everybody out of voting. People aren't buying it CNN, you dumb bastards. They're not buying it.

While he was at it, Trump accused Joe Biden of wanting to impose Faucist tyranny on America, saying, "He wants to listen to Dr. Fauci," a clearly terrifying prospect. Biden, who's off the campaign trail and preparing for Thursday's debate (probably by taking brain pills and having computers installed in his head!!!!!) issued a statement calling the accusation that he'd pay attention to scientists a "badge of honor," because just look how sneaky he is:

Mr. President, you're right about one thing: The American people are tired. They're tired of your lies about this virus.[...] They're tired of watching more Americans die and more people lose their jobs because you refuse to take this pandemic seriously.

Trump then said "I'm Superman" and flew into space to sacrifice himself by blowing up a missile that threatened a small coastal town, and everybody cried because it was so noble.

No, wait, that's The Iron Giant.

What Trump did do was go on Fox & Friends this morning and deny there was any falling-out between himself and Fauci, but he's a "terrific guy," although really, reporters like Fauci more than the people do, also he's often wrong, and a very bad pitcher, but not a team player. And how about that great Scott Atlas?!

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In conclusion, it's two weeks until Election Day and Donald Trump still has plenty of time to encourage people to ignore science and emphasize what a wuss Fauci is.

[Politico / WaPo / AP]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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