Donald Trump did another of his marathon phone calls to "Fox & Friends" this morning where he ranted for nearly an hour, repeatedly ignoring the hosts' subtle cues that now would be a good time to wrap up, how about now, maybe NOW, Mr. "President"? Along the way, he repeated his favorite debunked conspiracy about supposed Ukrainian interference in the 2016 election, plus a lot of other stuff, prompting even Steve Doocy to make a pretense of asking him if he had any facts to back up his crazy claims. Trump. doesn't need "proof," so he just insisted he was right and kept talking, which is how logic works, after all. Let's take a look at the weirdness!

Because we love you, we will not subject you to the full video, but don't worry, Fox posted it to the series of tubes. The interview started off with the latest Shiny Object for wingnuts, the news that a minor FBI lawyer got shitcanned for turning in bad paperwork. Rightwing media are already running with the idea that the Justice Department's forthcoming inspector general review of the Russia probe will be earthshaking, and Trump is definitely delirious over those tremors:

Then it was time for Trump to insist yet again that Ukraine has the "hacked DNC server" hidden away, even though that's multiply-debunked bullshit.

Couple facts here, courtesy of a Daily Beast piece with the lovely Coffee-Tawk headline, "Trump's 'Missing DNC Server' Is Neither Missing Nor a Server":

1) There's no such thing as "the DNC server" that got hacked. It's not a single machine that was broken into and then carted off and buried in a rich Ukrainian's back yard.

The "server" Trump is obsessed with is actually 140 servers, most of them cloud-based, which the DNC was forced to decommission in June 2016 while trying to rid its network of the Russian GRU officers working to help Trump win the election, according to the figures in the DNC's civil lawsuit against Russia and the Trump campaign. Another 180 desktop and laptop computers were also swapped out as the DNC raced to get the organization back on its feet and free of Putin's surveillance.

Anyone trying to explain to Trump or Goopers that there was no single machine will of course be laughed off for making stuff up, because how can you store anything on a "cloud"? It's water vapor, the stuff would fall right through! And you certainly can't hand a "cloud" over to a Ukrainian!

2) The article then goes on to explain, in ittle bitty words, why the FBI wouldn't have been able to just go in and grab all the DNC's machines, because that's not how computer networks even work, but you've already lost Trump. It was A SERVER, and "network" is just a lot of made-up wizard words to hide the truth.

Also 3) Oh, yeah, and there's no Ukrainian who "owns" Crowdstrike, either, as Axios notes:

Trump also said that Crowdstrike is owned by "a very wealthy Ukrainian," but it's actually a publicly-traded company. Its largest outside shareholder is Warburg Pincus, a New York City private equity firm from which Trump plucked one of his top economic advisors.

Why does Trump think Crowdstrike is owned by a "very wealthy Ukrainian"? Your guess is as good as ours! Its CEO, George Kurtz, is from New Jersey. Its co-founder, Dmitri Alperovitch, is a Russian expat, and is still the company's chief tech officer, so we guess that's close?

Then it was time for the ranting and rambling and bad poetry. In a crazy kind of urgency, with Trump talking over the hosts and insisting he's never met the people he appointed to top posts. And who the hell is this Sondland guy, who somehow moved from being EU ambassador and how the hell did he even get involved with Ukraine, it is all a mystery to Donald Trump! But he knows that Yovanovitch lady! She is very bad news!

We feel compelled to transcribe just this one full-batshit ramble on the many (perceived) crimes of Marie Yovanovitch:

This ambassador that everyone says is so wonderful, she wouldn't hang my picture in the embassy. OK, she's in charge of the embassy. She wouldn't hang it! It took like a year and a half or 2 years for her to get the picture up. She said bad things about me, she wouldn't defend me, and I have the right to change an ambassador. And Rudy didn't say good things, but he wasn't crazy about it, it wasn't, like, a major topic, but, I have the right to change, this was an Obama person, wouldn't, didn't want to hang my picture in the embassy, it's standard is you put the picture of the president of the United States picture in an embassy. This was not an angel, this woman, OK? And there are a lot of things that she did that I didn't like. And we will talk about that at some time. But I just want you to know: This is not a baby that we're dealing with.

CBS News notes a member of Yovanovitch's legal team said the embassy put up portraits of Trump, Mike Pence, and the Secretary of State "as soon as they arrived from Washington, D.C." But the story also pointed out that 2017 Washington Post story that a lot of federal buildings in the US and worldwide lacked photos of Trump and Pence because eight months after taking office, Trump and Pence hadn't yet sat for official photos to be distributed by the the Government Publishing Office. Shame on her!

Trump also fretted Yovanovitch wasn't beat up on enough by the Republicans in the hearings: "I said 'why are you being so kind?' 'Well, sir, she's a woman. We have to be nice,'" which you know is a lie because of the "sir."

Along the way, Trump insisted he's looking forward to a real impeachment trial so he can call the whistleblower and Hunter Biden and Adam Schiff to testify and really GET 'EM, because we guess he thinks he'll represent himself. He also took credit for telling the Chinese government not sending "a million soldiers" into Hong Kong to "obliterate" the protesters in "14 minutes," which really makes us wonder if he actually can draw "clock."

Also, just for shits and giggles, Trump got tongue-tied and said, "I do want, always, corruption," but everyone knew that was nothing more than a "Freudian slip." Which is where you say one thing but you mean your mother. Then he joined a new-wave band and changed his name to Bobbi Sox.

In conclusion, we have a cold and need to lie down now before Trump starts singing songs about whales and cocks, the end!

88 Lines about 44 Women

[WaPo / Daily Beast / AP / CBS News / Aaron Rupar on Twitter]

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations! Please send us money so we can keep the cloud servers buried and Dok plied with sweet, sweet NyQuil cold tabs. Don't worry, we're thrifty and get the generic kind.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc