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At 4:07 yesterday afternoon, while Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats were hogging all the attention just because they were taking over Congress and wrecking America, White House press secretary Sarah Sanders tweeted, "There will be a briefing in the WH briefing room at 4:10pm today." Not exactly a lot of advance notice! Of course, the thing didn't really get started until a good bit later, so nobody missed it: A fake "press briefing" by the fake "president," who didn't allow any questions from the press. Instead, Donald Trump and a bunch of skinheads who turned out to be officers of the Border Patrol's union showed up to explain that America needs WALL, and WALL is good!

It was a straight out stunt to get attention, and was over in a matter of minutes. Oh look, here are Donald Trump and the Giant Thumbs:


Trump insisted that since he shut down the government for the sake of WALL, he's become the most popular president in the history of ever, even if he wasn't entirely sure what it is he wants to build. Look just give him a down payment on the $37 billion, 'cause it's gonna be a beaut!

You can call it a barrier, you can call it it whatever you want, but essentially we need protection in our country. We're gonna make it good, the people of our country want it. I have never had so much support as I have had in the last week over my stance for border security, for border control, and for frankly the wall or the barrier. I have never had anything like it in terms of calls coming in, in terms of people writing in and tweeting, and doing whatever they have to do. I have never had this much support. And we've done some things that, as you know, have been very popular.

Trump didn't explain how he's been getting any "calls coming in" during the last week, considering the White House switchboard is shut down along with the rest of the government. But the calls coming to his personal phone are probably very much in favor of WALL, and we bet Trump can sometimes hear very supportive voices in the background of those calls, even if they're speaking Chinese or Russian.

As for what Americans actually think about the need for WALL, the numbers depend on how the question is framed, but nah, not exactly overwhelming support. Not even a slim majority, sorry:

A Quinnipiac poll of 1,147 voters reached on landlines or cell phones from Dec. 12-17 found that 54 percent of respondents opposed the wall and 43 percent supported it. A Harvard CAPS/Harris online survey of 1,407 registered voters conducted Dec. 24-26 found that 56 percent of those surveyed did not support a wall, while 44 percent did.

Just 35 percent of those surveyed supported including money for the wall in a federal spending bill, according to a Reuters/Ipsos poll of 2,440 adults conducted online Dec. 21-25.

More than two-thirds of Americans don't think the wall should be a priority, according to a poll of 1,075 adults by NPR, PBS News Hour and Marist.

Then Trump brought on Brandon Judd, the president of the National Border Patrol Council, which since the 2016 election has been mostly a mouthpiece for Trump immigration policies. Judd said every border guy in the world knows WALL very good:

[You] hear a lot of talk that there are experts that say that walls don't work. I promise you that if you interview Border Patrol agents, they will tell you that walls work.

Like, at this one place in Arizona where he was stationed, there was no wall and the smuggling and illegal aliens were out of control, then they put up a fence and there were no more drugs or illegal border crossings, so we need WALL. Judd also explained that while the media may claim federal employees are unhappy about the shutdown, that's not true at all because he wants WALL. Then he introduced two other union guys, Art Del Cueto and Hector Garza, who said they, too, love WALL very much and we must have WALL.

"No More Mister Nice Blog" notes the REAL border security bona fides of all three of the agents Trump chose to appear with him:

Why these agents? Well, Fox News frequently hosts Judd, Del Cueto, and Garza -- go to the links to read Fox stories and see Fox clips.

And yes, Judd thinks there really is a Deep State plot to undermine Trump and that last fall's caravan of asylum-seekers is an actual for real "invasion," an opinion shared, coincidentally, by Del Cueto and Garza (who was also awfully happy to see those invaders tear gassed, which was fine, he said, because the women and children were mere "human shields" for the actual invasion force of 12-foot tall Honduran criminals).

Del Cueto and Garza are a couple of real peaches, too, as "No More Mr. Nice Blog" discovered after a few minutes' search:


That's not to say these brave Fox News Border Heroes are mere lapdogs for Trump! In something of a rare departure from his usual leg-humping of the Great Man, Judd also complained about Trump's deployment of National Guard troops to the border in May, but only because the Guard troops weren't allowed to crack down more aggressively and directly on migrants. Judd and other union members were very unhappy because, as it turned out, the National Guard is actually more of a military force, and if we aren't training The Troops to do the job of the Border Patrol, then why do we even have 'em, huh?

Fortunately, the non-briefing briefing had at least one good result. "This Modern World" cartoonist Tom Tomorrow recognized the whole thing was all performance art anyway.

All in all, it was a huge success, because WALL and also for maybe twenty minutes cable news was talking about someone important instead of that awful Pelosi woman.

[NBC News / White House transcript / No More Mr. Nice Blog / LAT]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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CLEAR YOUR CALENDARS FOR FEBRUARY 7! And then fill them back up with whatever the fuck you want, because Michael Cohen has announced through his lawyers that he is too scared to testify before an open session of Congress that day, citing threats to his family from Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani.

Wonkette has no reason to believe Cohen isn't being serious here, and NBC News reports Cohen's wife and father-in-law are particularly concerned about their safety if the man who used to call his boss MIS-TURRRR TWUMP goes to Congress and tells the truth this time. Still, we must pause to note that this is the same guy who said this to NPR reporter Tim Mak, back when Mak was at The Daily Beast:

"I will make sure that you and I meet one day while we're in the courthouse. And I will take you for every penny you still don't have," Cohen told Mak [...] "And I will come after your Daily Beast and everybody else that you possibly know."

"So I'm warning you, tread very fucking lightly, because what I'm going to do to you is going to be fucking disgusting. You understand me?"

It's not so fun when the shoe is on the other foot, IS IT, MICHAEL?

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Did Nancy Pelosi do something to give Donald Trump the mistaken impression he has leverage here? We don't remember her doing anything like that!

Trump sent Pelosi a letter this morning to say that, despite how she told him to stay the fuck out of her House because of his government shutdown, he would still be coming to the House on January 29 to deliver his State of the Union address. And for some weird-ass reason, Trump and his advisers in the White House actually thought she would back down. It's both hilarious and alarming that Trump and his people are that stupid, isn't it?

Anyway, Pelosi took the dare. She took the dare. Was there anybody besides those dumb fucking idiots in the White House who thought she wouldn't take the dare?

Pelosi sent a letter right back to Trump to kindly explain to him that no means "go fuck yourself," and that if he'd like her to stick her foot further up his ass and kick it around a bunch, he's welcome to test her some more:

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