Where does he get these wonderful ideas?

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Donald Trump and Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi both explained today that if they had been at the site of the mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, they certainly would have rushed in -- unarmed, even -- to take out that kid with the high-powered semiautomatic rifle. Trump made his brave declaration at a meeting of governors from around the country, while slamming the useless Broward County Sheriff's deputies who didn't even have the courage the average math teacher certainly will have just as soon as Donald Trump allows them to be armed:

#CadetBoneSpurs TRUMP PROCLAIMS HIMSELF A HERO, IF ONLY HE HAD BEEN AT THE SCHOOL SHOOTING.

While Giving NRA Talking Points: Blame Lousy Cops & Mental Illness, Not Assault Weapons...Trump Says He Would Have Charged The Shooter With His Mighty Bare Hands.pic.twitter.com/5qOCIZKD7O

— Trump's ZombieLand (@StevenReyCristo) February 26, 2018

After saying several deputies who arrived at the scene but didn't enter "weren’t exactly Medal of Honor winners" and assessing their performance as "frankly disgusting" and "really a disgrace," Trump contrasted their cowardice to his purely hypothetical heroism:

You don’t know until you test it, but I think, I really believe I would have run in there even if I didn’t have a weapon.

The 71-year-old "president" most assuredly would have taken out that kid with the assault rifle with his bare hands, because that's just the sort of daring move you'd expect from a man who needed a golf cart to get around at a European summit and who avoided the draft because he had bone spurs that magically healed themselves. Just as long as there were no stairs in the school. Disappointingly, Trump declined to compare his imagined valor in a school shooting to his demonstrated bravery in facing down herpes during the Studio 54 era, a struggle he told Howard Stern had been his "personal Vietnam."

Further, NBC News reports, Trump explained that teachers who'll soon replace law enforcement as the first line of defense against mass shooters need to have excellent skills, really excellent skills for the adept professionals:

Trump compared the skill involved in shooting guns to that required for the game of golf, where "some people can make a four-foot putt every time, and some people can't even take the club back."

And he said the only way to stop school shootings was "retribution," adding, "You're not going to stop it by being kind."

He didn't specify any mass shootings where anyone had actually tried taking out a heavily armed gunman with kindness, but he probably heard about it somewhere. He knows lots of things.

So what might have compelled Trump to tell a bunch of governors he'd have faced a gunman unarmed? Probably the fact that, on "Fox and Friends" a few hours earlier, a girl said she'd have done that. Pam Bondi explained to the Foxy Friends that the sheriff's deputies were all ball-less wonders who chickened out, and by golly, there's gonna be an investigation of all those law enforcement failures:

Let me put it this way, when you have a school full of students, and your duty is to protect those students, even if I didn’t have a firearm I would have gone into that scene. That’s what you do. That’s what the coach did who was a true hero[.]

Assistant football coach Aaron Feis, who was also a school security guard, ran into the school and shielded students from the gunman, pushing at least one out of the line of fire before being shot himself. Donald Trump has suggested that if only Feis had been armed, he could have killed the shooter, because that always works in movies. So clearly, a grifty attorney general and a president who never exercises would definitely have done that, too.

True to form, Fox anchor Steve Doocy asked Bondi if there had been a "stand-down order" telling the deputies not to engage the shooter. It's like they say: When you're a tool who's dumb as a bag of hammers, everything looks like Benghazi. Bondi wouldn't say, but did claim that people in the Broward County Sheriff's Office hadn't been honest about the shooting, and all the details will eventually come out in an investigation. Including, presumably, whether Hillary Clinton and George Soros were behind the attack.

Somebody probably ought to ask Donald Trump if he's ever had an idea that didn't come from television, so he can excoriate the media, then urge everyone in the country to get up, go to their windows, and shout "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore."

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[NBC News / New York / Truth or Dara]