Donald Trump Grounded From Twitter, And President Obama Thinks That's HILARIOUS


One of the funniest things that's come out in the final couple days of this interminable campaign, as we prepare for The Day Hillary Kicks Trump's Ass, comes from a scathing report in the New York Times about the innards of Donald Trump's campaign. It's this tidbit:

Aides to Mr. Trump have finally wrested away the Twitter account that he used to colorfully — and often counterproductively — savage his rivals.

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]Hahahahahahaha, Kellyanne Conway did it! She sneaked into Trump's phone and she changed the password, and since that dumbass doesn't use email, he can't even reset it! Remember that interview Conway did where she was like, "You can't take a grown man's Twitter account away from him"? YES YOU CAN! YES YOU CAN!

So, for those of you wondering why it seems like Trump has been vaguely halfway well-behaved the last few days, and specifically why Trump hasn't abused any women or called a reporter pathetic on Twitter the past couple days, that's why. Kellyanne Conway probably also put a shock collar in his underpants for when he goes off script, but Wonkette can't confirm that because we ain't about to check Trump's pants.

Your president, Barry Bamz The Great, giggled about the news with attendees at a Hillary rally in Florida:


Apparently, his campaign has taken away his Twitter. In the last two days, they had so little confidence in his self-control, that they said, ‘We’re just going to take away your Twitter.’

Now, if somebody can’t handle a Twitter account, they can’t handle the nuclear codes. If somebody starts tweeting at 3 in the morning because ‘SNL’ made fun of you, then you can’t handle the nuclear codes.

In other words, "HAHAHAHAHA, WHAT A LOSER."

Please do read the entire New York Times piece, as it describes a sad, unfocused Trump who makes his aides stay up late and coo in his ear about what a good boy he is, because he's too weak and pathetic to be alone with his own thoughts. It's a light human-interest piece about Trump's pain and failure, you will enjoy it!

[New York Times / Huffington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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