Donald Trump Has Exciting New Real Estate Opportunity For You, Syria!
Classiest refugee camp money can buy!
What a time to be a Syrian, eh? Murderous clowns to the left of you, racist jokers to the right. And then there's Donald J. Trump, with a once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity you will not want to miss:
Mr. Trump said he would like to “build a safe zone in Syria, build a big, beautiful safe zone, and you have whatever it is, so they can live.” He could get such a deal with his real estate background for a “swatch” of land, he said.
If you'll just sell a bit of your land -- whatever's handy and not being all blowed up by ISIS, or by French and Russian airstrikes, or by Trump himself, "bomb[ing] the shit" out of those "suckers" and taking their oil -- Trump will build you a BIG, BEAUTIFUL ghetto where you can stay in your own damned country and not try to Trojan horse your way into America:
Donald Trump says he's now more against allowing Syrian refugees into the U.S. than ever, warning it could be a way for terrorists to sneak into the country.
"We have no idea who these people are, we are the worst when it comes to paperwork," Trump said Monday on CNBC. "This could be one of the great Trojan horses."
Now, we are not the world's greatest negotiator of all time, and have never invested a million bucks from our dad in real estate ventures that sometimes pay off and sometimes go bankrupt. But we have to question whether Trump is really deploying the most effective bargaining strategy here. Tell Syrian refugees they are not welcome in America because they're probably terrorists who want to kill us, while at the same time asking for a piece of their country where he can build some nice and safe Trump Towers -- no doubt the nicest, classiest safe zones you'll ever see -- to protect the Syrian refugees, who are probably all terrorists.
Perhaps we shouldn't question it, though. We don't have the same prophetic instinct Trump has, according to Trump:
Mr. Trump boasted to the crowd that in his book, “The America We Deserve,” published in 2000 as he was considering a presidential run that he ultimately decided against, he predicted that Osama bin Laden would engineer a terrorist strike within the United States.
“I predicted Osama bin Laden,” Mr. Trump declared in Knoxville, adding, “In my book, I predicted terrorism. Because I can feel it, like I feel a good location, O.K.?”
And, just as Trump foretold Osama bin Laden's determination to strike in the United States, which nobody else could have predicted, he's got an instinct that now is the time to Make Syria Great Again:
You have an instinct about things. I really believe I have an instinct for this kind of thing.
Real shame Trump wasn't around during World War II. Just think of the beautiful and classy "safe zones" he coulda built in Europe to keep dangerous Jewish refugees (or maybe Nazi spies!) from Trojan horsing their way into America too.