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Good morning, lovers of peace and prosperity! We bring you glad tidings of the leader of the free world sitting with a journalist, and SPOILER, it went really poorly, because the leader of the free world is Donald Trump, a dumb fucking baby.

We want to say at the outset that Lesley Stahl from the "60 Minutes" program did a smashing job of listening to the president's shit and not putting up with it. In fact, she pushed back on his insane fact-free crap in a way we wish the White House press corps would do more often.

Before we get to interview highlights, though, we'd like you to see something that is literally hanging in the White House, as revealed on the "60 Minutes" program, because Trump's White House is the worst White House.


You're going to need to zoom in. Like so:

Glad a nice journalist tweeted that beautiful piece of artwork for us, so we can see what's really going on. For the backstory on how that tacky-ass piece of shit found its way to the White House, and how Darrell Issa is involved, please click here.

Now, we move on to the interview! It's all holy fucking batshit, so let's just start with Trump's truly, amazingly ignorant views on

Climate Change!

This is your rightwing uncle on bath salts:

Lesley Stahl: Do you still think that climate change is a hoax?
President Donald Trump: I think something's happening. Something's changing and it'll change back again. I don't think it's a hoax, I think there's probably a difference. But I don't know that it's manmade. I will say this. I don't wanna give trillions and trillions of dollars. I don't wanna lose millions and millions of jobs. I don't wanna be put at a disadvantage.

Maybe the Chinese did it! But not the Russians! Aw shit, we're getting ahead of ourselves. But anyway, the 400-pound Chinese hackers probably did all the climate change thing, if it even exists, not that he's saying it doesn't.

Lesley Stahl: I wish you could go to Greenland, watch these huge chunks of ice just falling into the ocean, raising the sea levels.

It wouldn't matter. He'd assume CNN planted the ice chunks, because he's FUCKBONKERS.

Enjoy this section, where Lesley Stahl calls Trump on that dumb tic of his where he argues with you by saying that "people say" or that "people have been telling me," by saying WHAT FUCKING PEOPLE, PRESIDENT GOOD BRAIN? WHICH ONES?

President Donald Trump: I'm not denying climate change. But it could very well go back. You know, we're talkin' about over a millions--

Lesley Stahl: But that's denying it.

President Donald Trump: --of years. They say that we had hurricanes that were far worse than what we just had with Michael.

Lesley Stahl: Who says that? "They say"?

President Donald Trump: People say. People say that in the--

Lesley Stahl: Yeah, but what about the scientists who say it's worse than ever?

President Donald Trump: You'd have to show me the scientists because they have a very big political agenda, Lesley.

It's because of the millions of dollars the scientists are paid to make Donald Trump look like a bumbling idiot. That's bad budgeting, as Donald Trump is willing to look like a bumbling idiot for FREE.

Donald Trump will punish Saudi Arabia for murdering that journalist but not in any way that involves money because Donald Trump is DYING for that sweet, sweet Saudi cash (which ... doesn't exist)

Stahl asks Trump if the Saudis murdered Jamal Khashoggi. He says they deny it, but it could be. Stahl asks how Trump will punish the Saudis, if so. Trump tosses his word salad at the ceiling to see what sticks:

President Donald Trump: Well, it depends on what the sanction is. I'll give ya an example. They are ordering military equipment. Everybody in the world wanted that order. Russia wanted it, China wanted it, we wanted it. We got it.

No, moron, just no. We have no Saudi deal. It is not a thing. Saudi Arabia is leading Trump around by his mushroom dick, and they can get away with it because Trump is an idiot. Also broken-brained Prince Jared of Kushner is "in the back pocket" of the Saudi crown prince.

Anyway, Trump will punish them real bad, but not in a way that kills jobs at Boeing or Raytheon for the Saudi arms deal that isn't actually a Saudi arms deal.

Has this interview killed you dead yet? Are you ready for Donald Trump's romantic love for Kim Jong-un, which is just a figure of speech, so stop saying they are sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G?

He loves Kim. He loves him not. He loves him. He loves him not ...

Trump claims with certainty that under President Barack Obama, we WERE going to war with North Korea, no questions asked, Obama was locked and loaded to ready, aim, fire, but then Trump came in and turned it into a love story, between two weirdos with bad hair and dictator issues. Plus, Trump trusts Kim! And why wouldn't he? Lesley Stahl tries to remind Trump -- because at this point John Kelly and John Bolton aren't doing their jobs, so Lesley Stahl might as well give it a whirl -- of Reagan's old saw "Trust, but verify." Trump's not biting, because what does this #FakeNews lady even know about North Korean missile production?

Then she tries a different tack, which is to list all the ways Kim is bad, and then ask why Trump loves Kim so. She starts by rolling a clip of Trump at a rally saying he "fell in love" with Kim, because Kim wrote him "beautiful letters." The she proceeds:

Lesley Stahl: I wanna read you his resume, okay? He presides over a cruel kingdom of repression, gulags, starvation-- reports that he had his half-brother assassinated, slave labor, public executions. This is a guy you love?
President Donald Trump: Sure. I know all these things. I mean -- I'm not a baby. I know these things.

NO BABY. NO BABY. YOU ARE THE BABY, LESLEY STAHL.

Lesley Stahl: I know, but why do you love that guy?

President Donald Trump: Look, look. I-- I-- I like-- I get along with him, okay?

Lesley Stahl: But you love him.

President Donald Trump: Okay. That's just a figure of speech.

Lesley Stahl: No, it's like an embrace.

President Donald Trump: It well, let it be an embrace.

"Love" is just a figure of speech. But it's OK if it's an embrace, or even more than that, but the point is that yes, they are in love, and they are registered at Bath & Body Works.

And he's NOT A BABY.

Trump says he also has "great chemistry" with President Xi of China, even though he is doing a trade war to Xi, but Trump doesn't like to call it a war, it's more of a "skirmish" or maybe a lovers' spat. One thing's for sure, and it is that Trump loves both Kim and Xi more than he loves

Our Allies! What even is an ally, LESLEY?

Lesley Stahl: You have also slapped some tariffs on our allies.
President Donald Trump: I mean, what's an ally? We have wonderful relationships with a lot of people. But nobody treats us much worse than the European Union. The European Union was formed in order to take advantage of us on trade, and that's what they've done.

That is ... not why the EU was formed. Trump, being a fucking idiot who has never read a book, has claimed this forfuckingever now, but it's still ...

How's everybody doing out there? You got a couple more Trump Is A Fucking Idiot moments in you before we lock this post up like a common Hillary Clinton?

Who or what is a 'NATO'?

Lesley Stahl: Are you willing to get rid of that Western alliance?

President Donald Trump: Now, I like NATO, NATO's fine. But you know what? We shouldn't be paying almost the entire cost of NATO to protect Europe. And then on top of that, they take advantage of us on trade. They're not going to do it anymore. They understand that.

Lesley Stahl: Okay, but are, it does seem this, are you willing to disrupt the Western Alliance? It's been going for 70 years. It's kept the peace for 70 years.

President Donald Trump: You don't know that. You don't know that.

Lesley Stahl: I don't know what?

President Donald Trump: You don't know that.

Oh for fuck's sake. YES, WE DO KNOW THAT, DONALD. Lesley Stahl knows that and every living former American president knows that and, oh hey, General Mattis, Trump's own secretary of Defense, he knows that too!

But Trump thinks maybe he knows more than Mattis, because here is why:

President Donald Trump: Frankly, I like General Mattis. I think I know more about it than he does. And I know more about it from the standpoint of fairness, that I can tell you.

Lesley Stahl: I'm gonna try one more time. Okay.

President Donald Trump: I know -- and, Lesley, you don't have to try again. I know exactly what you're saying--

Nope. Just nope.

Trump says, though, that Mattis is "kind of a Democrat," which is also ...

Will Trump fire Mattis? Maybe, maybe not, he is the president and he DOES WHAT HE WANTS.

All right, Donald, now declare your love for Vladimir Putin!

Blah blah blah Trump is tougher on Putin than Obama was blah blah blah Obama gave Putin "pillows and blankets" blah blah blah ...

Lesley Stahl: Do you agree that Vladimir Putin is involved in assassinations? In poisonings?

President Donald Trump: Probably he is, yeah. Probably. I mean, I don't--

Lesley Stahl: Probably?

President Donald Trump: But I rely on them, it's not in our country.

It's OK if Putin assassinates people, as long as he doesn't do it in America. (NARRATOR: Pretty sure he does it in America.)

In conclusion, Trump says Russia "probably" meddles in our elections, but China does it worse, and Lesley Stahl literally says with her mouth "This is amazing," because this is the biggest fucking moron she has ever met, and also his hands are the size of tiny little furry hamsters and what the fuck is even wrong with him.

Jeff Sessions?

Sucks.

Will Trump pledge not to try to fire Robert Mueller?

Nah.

Any regrets about his shitty presidency?

Just that the fake news doesn't treat him nicer, but otherwise nah.

Was Trump a fucking dick to Christine Blasey Ford?

Yes. Yes, the answer is yes.

Unless you are inside the president's seemingly syphilitic brain, in which case he was very nice to her, but it doesn't matter now, because HE WON.

Lesley Stahl: Why did you have to make fun of her?

President Donald Trump: I didn't really make fun of her.

Yes, he did.

Lesley Stahl: Well, they were laughing.

President Donald Trump: What I said the person that we're talking about didn't know the year, the time, the place.

Lesley Stahl: Professor Blasey Ford got before the Senate and -- and was asked what's the worst moment. And she said, "When the two boys laughed at me, at my expense."

President Donald Trump: Ok, fine.

Lesley Stahl: And then I watched you mimic her and thousands of people were laughing at her.

President Donald Trump: They can do what they -- I -- I will tell you this. The way now Justice Kavanaugh was treated has become a big factor in the midterms. Have you seen what's gone on with the polls?

Lesley Stahl: But did you have to --

President Donald Trump: Well, I think she was treated with great respect, I'll -- I'll --

Lesley Stahl: And -- but --

President Donald Trump: be honest with you.

Lesley Stahl: but do you think — you treated her with --

President Donald Trump: There are those that think she shouldn't have --

Lesley Stahl: Do you think you treated her with respect?

President Donald Trump: I think so, yeah. I did.

Lesley Stahl: But you seem to be saying that she lied.

President Donald Trump: W -- you know what? I'm not gonna get into it because we won. It doesn't matter. We won.

It's always a zero sum game with him.

Let's whine at Lesley Stahl, for having the audacity to point out that Trump's family separation issue was a crisis of his own creation!

President Donald Trump: Well, no, even the way you asked me a question, like, about separation. When I say Obama did it, you don't wanna talk about it.

Lesley Stahl: No, I'm gonna run your --

President Donald Trump: When I say I did it, let's make a big deal of it.

Lesley Stahl: I'm gonna run your answer, but you did it four times, so.

President Donald Trump: I'm just telling you that you treated me much differently on the subject.

Lesley Stahl: I disagree, but I don't wanna have that fight with you.

President Donald Trump: Hey, it's okay --

Lesley Stahl: All right, I'll get in another fight with you --

President Donald Trump: Lesley, it's okay. In the meantime, I'm president -- and you're not.

Good point, Donald! Lesley Stahl is not the president!

Any final thoughts on whether or not you are a baby, Mister President?

President Donald Trump: I'm not saying I trust everybody in the White House. I'm not a baby.

Yes you are.

[CBS News]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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