New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut announced earlier this week that, to help preserve the progress they've made against the coronavirus, they will require anyone traveling from eight coronavirus hot spots to quarantine themselves for 14 days. The rule applies both to out-of-staters and to residents of the three states returning home from the high-risk states. If travelers don't self-isolate, they'll be subject to an enforced quarantine and fines. In response, the White House announced that Donald Trump plans to go ahead with his plans to visit his golf resort in Bedminster, New Jersey, and will not quarantine, even though he visited one of the hot spots, Arizona, on Tuesday. And eight members of Trump's campaign team for his trip to Tulsa last weekend, including two Secret Service agents, were diagnosed with COVID-19.

The quarantine rule doesn't apply to Trump, according to White House spokesperson Judd Deere, who we keep thinking must be some sort of tractor. And why not? Well that's easy: "The president of the United States is not a civilian," Deere insisted, his eyes fixated on a set of approaching headlights. Rather, we suppose, Trump is a generalissimo.

Deere didn't explain that line of reasoning, although we're sure it has something to do with the whole "commander in chief' thing. Problem is, that doesn't make even legitimate presidents actual members of the military. Presidents are civilians, full stop, that's the whole point of having the military be ultimately under the command of the elected, civilian leader of the government. It's kind of a big deal. Hell, until Ronald Reagan started doing it, no president returned the salute of military guards, precisely because civilians do not salute. It used to be a thing that protocol people got fussy about, even before Barack Obama insulted Our Great Military while holding a cup of coffee instead of a dog.

Left: Bad and Kenyan. Right: Good and American as the highest pie.

Then again, even if Reagan hadn't set the precedent, Trump doesn't seem especially clear on what a president does, especially not since he briefly thought his "leadership" during the pandemic made him a "wartime president."

Whatever his status, combatant or merely a deserter from his private Vietnam (herpes), shouldn't Trump defer to New Jersey's health rules, what with having been in a state with one of the nation's worst COVID-19 outbreaks? Heck no, Deere explained, as Chuck Grassley's car barreled mercilessly toward him in the night.

"Anyone who is in close proximity to him, including staff, guests and press are tested for COVID-19 and confirmed to be negative," Deere said in a statement.

"With regard to Arizona, the White House followed its COVID mitigation plan to ensure the president did not come into contact with anyone who was symptomatic or had not been tested," the spokesman added.

"Anyone traveling in support of the president this weekend will be closely monitored for symptoms and tested for COVID and therefore pose little to no risk to the local populations."

NBC notes that a spokesperson for New Jersey Gov. Phil Murphy declined to comment on the White House statement, although we distinctly heard the spox pretend to cough while saying "bone spurs."

In any case, Donald Trump is not a civilian. He is also not a cupcake, nor is he a mouse. And he's definitely not an adorable Wonkette Toddler.

not a cupcake!

You may be seated.

[CNBC / NBC News / NYT / Law & Crime]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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