Donald Trump Jr. Almost As Good At Marriage As He Is At Having A Normal Human Face

a face literally anybody could divorce

FILED, motherfuckers!

Vanessa Trump filed for divorce against her husband Donald Trump Jr. late Thursday in Manhattan Supreme Court.

“After 12 years of marriage, we have decided to go our separate ways,” the couple told Page Six in a joint statement. [...]

The president’s daughter-in-law filed for an uncontested proceeding, meaning she’s not likely to fight her ex for custody of the couple’s five children or over their assets.

Oh that's interesting! Page Six says the uncontested proceeding is likely because GrossFace Junior and Vanessa probably had a pre-nup. Others on the internet are speculating that maybe they're just doing this to transfer all of Don Jr.'s assets to Vanessa quick-like, considering how special counsel Robert Mueller is all up in the Trump family business, making his list and checking it twice.

Or maybe Vanessa Trump just looked at this shitshow and decided to get out before Dumbfuck Junior has to go to prison and give all his assets to Robert Mueller, you know, because of how he is probably a criminal and a traitor.

It's sad, because everything is so different from how it was back when they met:

Page Six reported earlier this week that the couple was on the skids, that Idiot Boy was never home because he was always off shooting exotic animals in the face, and that when he was home, he wasn't the sexxxy devoted husband he allegedly was at some point in his life. In particular, people close to the couple said Don Jr. had turned into this weirdass #Pizzagate conspiracy theorist who wouldn't stop spending 24 hours a day on Twitter, being a brainwashed Fox News fuckhead just like Daddy:

An issue, two of the sources say, is that Don Jr. “appears to have changed recently, and friends are concerned about him.” Their concerns were increased by Don Jr.’s tweeting, including when he liked a tweet linking antidepressants to mass murder, and another liking a tweet attacking a teen survivor of the Stoneman Douglas High School shooting. [...]

Previously at Halloween, Don tweeted that he would take away half of his 3-year-old daughter’s Halloween candy because he wrote, “it’s never to [sic] early to teach her about socialism.” Then after his recent trip to India, he was heavily criticized for his tone-deaf remark praising the country’s poor because “There’s still a smile on a face.”

That is really just scratching the surface of what the man is like on Twitter. Regardless, it is true that, of all the things Donald Trump spermed into existence, Don Jr. is the one who has decided that if his dad's brain is turning into a confused soup of conspiracy theories and alternative facts, SO IS HIS. This is because Don Jr. is his father's least favorite child.

Remember Junior's birthday at Mar-a-Lago, where it seemed like his dad didn't even notice he was there, much less having a birthday?

Remember that disgusting story about how when Junior was a little boy, he would go to give his dad a kiss in the morning, only to be called a loser, because he made the mistake of saying he trusted his dad?

Remember that unverified story about how Junior was a full-blown town drunk in college, a guy whose dad would visit on weekends to take him to baseball games, then immediately smack the fuck out of his face in front of his friends because he wasn't wearing a suit?

Ever looked at Ashley Feinberg's Twitter feed for a couple days, as she painstakingly chronicles how Don Jr. spends a lot of time just begging for attention or a retweet from his dad, when Ivanka can take a picture of one of her wet farts and get Daddy's public praise?

Amazing that that guy is bad at marriage. We would feel very sorry for Donald Trump Jr., if he wasn't such a grotesque piece of shit.

Speaking of Feinberg's Twitter, she noticed earlier this week that Idiot Boy seemed to be "wilding out," based on how he was sitting by himself on Instagram, liking pictures of guns and knives:

Also, earlier this month, Feinberg flagged a Trump Jr. "like" that reads to us now like the "like" of a man who might be considering his options, no homo bro:

OH HEY, Junior, you gonna get you some MAGA boy strange? Wear a bag over your head condom!

We are sorry for the young Trump children, obvs. Then again, they are Trump children so life is gonna be messy. And Grandpa is a traitor. And Daddy and Uncle Jared might be too. And Daddy's face looks the way it does, which will probably always sadden the children to a certain degree.

In honor of Dipshit's first divorce, let's look at some pictures of the couple together, where Vanessa looks like a human the whole time and Junior looks like ... Junior:

Embed from Getty Images
Embed from Getty Images
Embed from Getty Images
Embed from Getty Images
Embed from Getty Images
Embed from Getty Images

And he was never kissed on his gross ugly face by a human being ever again, THE END.

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[Page Six]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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