Donald Trump Jr. And Brett Kavanaugh Walk Into A Bar. Cover Your Drinks!
Oh hey, have you seen the disgusting shit Donald Trump Jr. has been saying about the Brett Kavanaugh situation on the internets?
Ha ha! Isn't that hilarious! Junior is just saying Ford is probably a giant fucking liar, because as his father taught him, you can do whatever you want, grab them by the pussy, you know, take them furniture shopping if you want, and if they accuse you publicly, you just call them liars. HA HA! (For the record, Lynne Patton, the party planner who runs HUD for the New York and New Jersey region, commented on that post with ALL THE FUNNY EMOJIS.)
Dipshit Junior also liked this tweet from James Woods, who called what is happening right now a #MeToo "lynching," because that's not racist or nothin':
We don't have much more analysis about what Junior said, besides CHRIST, what an asshole. But we think we know why he might so instinctively and reflexively defend Kavanaugh.
You see, we think we have figured out which drunk rich asshole white guy Brett Kavanaugh was in high school. He wasn't one of the guys who was "popular" in the sense of all the girls had crushes on him (and some of the guys too!) and wanted to go necking with him at Boner Cove even on school nights. That was Trevor and Rob and Johnny, and they were #dreamy and Johnny had a Camaro and your mom said Johnny was a total Eddie Haskell but even your mom acknowledged that Johnny was pretty cute.
Kavanaugh, we are guessing, was "popular" in that he was a partier and he spent a lot of time with his "bros," and they probably jacked off in a big circle in their parents' basements only sometimes. They had access to drugs and Natty Light, but secretly, deep down, they were incredibly jealous of Trevor and Rob and Johnny and Johnny's Camaro, because what makes those guys so great anyway? GRANTED, Trevor's ass is perfect and Rob's eyes can make any human melt and Johnny has that Camaro (and is hung like a wild horse), but NO FAIR, WHY THEY GET ALL THE GIRLS? Anyway, we are just saying Brett Kavanaugh's friend group was probably the type that knew where to buy GHB before anybody else at school even knew what that was. Just look at his pal Mark Judge's yearbook entry.
LIKEWISE, DONALD TRUMP JR.
We don't know much about Junior in high school, probably because he hadn't come out of his shell yet. One former classmate described him as "quiet." But not in college. Noooooooo, not in college! Emily Jane Fox's book Born Trump describes Don Jr. in college like this:
During his partying days at college, a drunken Donald Trump Jr. once told rivals from another school, "That's all right! That's OK! You're gonna work for us some day!" according to a new book.
We're sure Don Jr. doesn't remember being at that party, just like Brett Kavanaugh doesn't remember being at that party. You know, the one where Kavanaugh allegedly sexually assaulted Christine Blasey Ford but couldn't get there because he was so fucking balls-out drunk.
"Diaper Don would wake up in some stranger's dorm room or off-campus apartment or bedroom in his frat house, covered in piss, walk back to his own room, and get blitzed that evening or the next anew," Fox writes.
They're not exactly the same, but we do see parallels.
We don't know if there will end up being #MeToo stories about Donald Trump Jr., but we wouldn't be shocked. What we know for sure is that they're both disgusting assholes, and we look forward to the day when Junior can't Instagram no more, because he's in federal prison. We don't care where Brett Kavanaugh goes, as long as it's "the fuck away," and "not to the Supreme Court."
And that is what we think about that. Now you may have an open thread!
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