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Donald Trump Jr. Knows Who To Blame For Chasmic Void In His Soul, It Is Definitely Instagram's Fault

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Donald Trump Jr. has been on a crusade lately against what he incorrectly and stupidly describes as "censorship" by "big tech" companies. Apparently, 85 percent of conservatives think social media networks censor political speech, roughly 100 percent of them are wrong, and Junior is a powerful advocate for this terminally confused demographic. He appeared on "Fox & Friends" this morning and managed to look like the dumbest person there, despite how he was sitting next to Brian Kilmeade.


Trump Jr. alleges that he's been "inundated" with people calling him or DMing him to complain that they've had trouble following him on social media. This is likely because his supporters are elderly, racist, and have trouble using computers. It's nice that Trump Jr. can stand in as tech support for them but that doesn't mean there's skullduggery afoot.

TRUMP JR.: [They tell me] that "I've had to follow your account three times. Or Instagram won't even let me like your account. I've been locked out trying to like your tweets.

You can just picture Trump Jr. crying to his mommy, "Why won't the Internet just let people like me!"

Trump Jr. complains that his fans have been "locked out" of their social media accounts for demonstrating "spam-like behavior." Because he is simple-minded, he simplifies this very specific thing as basically nothing more than trying to "like" one of his stupid tweets. Of course, accidentally posting links to phishing scams and malware sites has surpassed mah jongg as the pastime of choice for old people, which is probably why they're getting locked out of their accounts. It has nothing specifically to do with their politics.

But even if Twitter or Instagram were trying to save people from themselves and keep them from liking Trump Jr.'s social media content, it wouldn't be "censorship," because it's not the government doing the imaginary thing paranoid conservatives think is happening. And if big corporations all chose to marginalize conservative voices, that would actually be their right in a free market. That is the future conservatives want except in this case it's negatively affecting them so the government must stop it right now. What's the point of the government if not protecting their specific interests?

Trump has even more conclusive proof that social media is out to get him.

TRUMP JR.: One week, this summer, I called it out: I had 10,000 organic impressions and ZERO new followers. It's STATISTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!

America's First Son and Statistician has spoken. But what does this mean?

TRUMP JR.: It feels like it's a dry run where they're trying to suppress any right-wing message, any kind of conservative message for 2020. They're setting it up!

Trump Jr. asserts that it's not just about him, but about the "regular guy" with a mere 400 Instagram followers or Facebook friends. If they can do this to him, imagine what they could do to you, Joe Nobody, who has no influence or connections, just a father who likes them? He sounds like your tinfoil hat-wearing relative whose conspiracy theories you're forced to listen to because he's standing in the way of the bathroom. "That's real interesting, Cousin Donnie. So, how's the job search coming? Still living in Aunt Natalie's basement?"

TRUMP JR.: That [regular] guy doesn't have a big soap box like I do. They don't have the ability when they call it out to get invited on national TV and speak about it. I do. And I'm going to keep fighting this, because it's not right.

Such a hero! We suppose we shouldn't make too much fun of him, even if he's an idiot. As the saying goes, first they came for Donald Trump Jr., and we didn't say anything, because we weren't assholes ...

[Ad Week / Twitter]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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You guys, hi, hello, it is almost the holiday weekend, so we are going to share you a real video posted last night by "Doctor" Sebastian "Don't Call Me A Nazi" Gorka, that hilarious old knucklecuck. We guess now that he had to give up (or gave up voluntarily!) his Fox News contract, he just makes videos for the Twitter. Hoo ... ray?

Anyway, Gorka is super-excited that Donald Trump issued that order last night, giving Bill Barr all kinds of new powers to expose the Deep State for what it is and PROVE once and for all that the gremlins who live inside Trump's diarrhea are correct when they say Hillary ordered the Deep State to do an illegal witch hunt to Trump, yadda yadda yadda, you've seen these people huff paint before, we don't have to type it all.

Here is the video, after which Wonkette will either transcribe it OR we will provide our own dramatic interpretation. Which one will it be? We don't know! Would you be able to tell the difference between the two? We don't know!

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We want to say right here at the outset that we hate Julian Assange. Aside from the sexual assault allegations against him, and aside from the fact that he's just a generally stinky and loathsome person who reportedly smeared poop on the walls at the Ecuadorian embassy in London, while reportedly not taking care of his cat, an innocent creature, he acted as Russia's handmaiden during the 2016 election, in order to further Russia's campaign to steal it for Donald Trump. All signs point to his campaign being a success!

So we are justifiably happy when bad things happen to Julian Assange. We are happy his name is shit the world over, and that any reputation WikiLeaks used to have for being on the side of freedom and transparency has been stuffed down the toilet where it belongs. We are happy he looked like such a sad-ass loser when the Ecuadorian embassy finally kicked him out and he was arrested.

And quite frankly, we were OK with the initial charge against him recently unsealed in the Eastern District of Virginia. If you'll remember, he was charged with trying to help Chelsea Manning hack a password into the Defense Department, which is not what journalists do. Journalists do not drive the get-away car for sources. Journalists do not hold their sources' hair back while they're stealing classified intel. Assange is essentially accused of doing all that.

Now, put all that aside. Because -- and this is key -- journalists do publish secrets they are provided by sources. That's First Amendment, chapter and verse, American as fucking apple pie and fast-food-induced diabetes. And that is what much of the superseding indictment of Assange unsealed yesterday was about. (And nope, it wasn't about anything regarding Assange's ratfucking the 2016 election or Hillary's emails. Why would the Trump Justice Department prosecute anything about that? It's all about the older Chelsea Manning stuff, the stuff the Obama Justice Department considered charging Assange with, but ultimately declined, because of that little thing called the First Amendment.)

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