Donald Trump Jr. Knows Who To Blame For Chasmic Void In His Soul, It Is Definitely Instagram's Fault

Donald Trump Jr. Knows Who To Blame For Chasmic Void In His Soul, It Is Definitely Instagram's Fault

Donald Trump Jr. has been on a crusade lately against what he incorrectly and stupidly describes as "censorship" by "big tech" companies. Apparently, 85 percent of conservatives think social media networks censor political speech, roughly 100 percent of them are wrong, and Junior is a powerful advocate for this terminally confused demographic. He appeared on "Fox & Friends" this morning and managed to look like the dumbest person there, despite how he was sitting next to Brian Kilmeade.

Trump Jr. alleges that he's been "inundated" with people calling him or DMing him to complain that they've had trouble following him on social media. This is likely because his supporters are elderly, racist, and have trouble using computers. It's nice that Trump Jr. can stand in as tech support for them but that doesn't mean there's skullduggery afoot.

TRUMP JR.: [They tell me] that "I've had to follow your account three times. Or Instagram won't even let me like your account. I've been locked out trying to like your tweets.

You can just picture Trump Jr. crying to his mommy, "Why won't the Internet just let people like me!"

Trump Jr. complains that his fans have been "locked out" of their social media accounts for demonstrating "spam-like behavior." Because he is simple-minded, he simplifies this very specific thing as basically nothing more than trying to "like" one of his stupid tweets. Of course, accidentally posting links to phishing scams and malware sites has surpassed mah jongg as the pastime of choice for old people, which is probably why they're getting locked out of their accounts. It has nothing specifically to do with their politics.

But even if Twitter or Instagram were trying to save people from themselves and keep them from liking Trump Jr.'s social media content, it wouldn't be "censorship," because it's not the government doing the imaginary thing paranoid conservatives think is happening. And if big corporations all chose to marginalize conservative voices, that would actually be their right in a free market. That is the future conservatives want except in this case it's negatively affecting them so the government must stop it right now. What's the point of the government if not protecting their specific interests?

Trump has even more conclusive proof that social media is out to get him.

TRUMP JR.: One week, this summer, I called it out: I had 10,000 organic impressions and ZERO new followers. It's STATISTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE!

America's First Son and Statistician has spoken. But what does this mean?

TRUMP JR.: It feels like it's a dry run where they're trying to suppress any right-wing message, any kind of conservative message for 2020. They're setting it up!

Trump Jr. asserts that it's not just about him, but about the "regular guy" with a mere 400 Instagram followers or Facebook friends. If they can do this to him, imagine what they could do to you, Joe Nobody, who has no influence or connections, just a father who likes them? He sounds like your tinfoil hat-wearing relative whose conspiracy theories you're forced to listen to because he's standing in the way of the bathroom. "That's real interesting, Cousin Donnie. So, how's the job search coming? Still living in Aunt Natalie's basement?"

TRUMP JR.: That [regular] guy doesn't have a big soap box like I do. They don't have the ability when they call it out to get invited on national TV and speak about it. I do. And I'm going to keep fighting this, because it's not right.

Such a hero! We suppose we shouldn't make too much fun of him, even if he's an idiot. As the saying goes, first they came for Donald Trump Jr., and we didn't say anything, because we weren't assholes ...

[Ad Week / Twitter]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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