So fucking stupid

If there's one thing the First Family of Grifting has made great again, it's Legal Twitter. Sure, the president is a threat to all living things. But it warms our hearts to log on every day and see a pack of lawyers descend on the latest Trumpland fuckery like a Doberman on a rawhide. Let's watch them take apart Don Jr.'s bullshit testimony before the House Intelligence Committee yesterday. It is delicious!

Can't Tell You Because ... A LAWYER!

Lil' Donny testified yesterday for more than eight hours, and only refused to discuss one particular conversation he had with his father after the infamous "If it's what you say, I love it!" emails. Via WaPo,

Rep. Adam B. Schiff (D-Calif.) said Wednesday that Trump Jr. told the committee he did speak with his father about the Trump Tower meeting several days later, after emails showing he had accepted the meeting after being offered “dirt” on Clinton were made public. However, Trump Jr. declined to detail the conversation to the committee, indicating a lawyer had been present and he believed it was subject to attorney-client privilege.

Sorry, what? A LAWYER was present? Really? That's what you're going with?

Care to tell us who this A LAWYER was?

Was he your A LAWYER, DJ? Because if he's your personal attorney, then your father's presence negates the privilege. (And vice versa if he was your dad's personal A LAWYER.)

And even if the A LAWYER was somehow representing both of you, there's no privilege if it was part of a criminal conspiracy.

And by the way, if you talked about it to anyone else after that day, you waived the privilege.

Dude, when even THAT John Dean is laughing at you ...

Thanks for the heads up!

The nice thing about the Trumps is that they always tell you exactly where they buried the body. If Poppy says Mueller better not look at the Trump Organization's finances, you know damn well that's where the evidence is. And if Don Jr. was willing to discuss everything but the conversation he had with his father after the New York Times story, you know that meeting is where shit went down.

EXACTLY. Of course Congress isn't going to do a damn thing about it. They let that demented leprechaun Jeff Sessions make up a privilege to avoid answering questions before the Senate.

But that shit is not going to fly with Robert Mueller. That guy made Paul Manafort's own lawyer testify against him. So good luck trying that shit with the special counsel.

You want to plead the 5th, knock yourself out, DJ. As for attorney-client privilege, that dog won't hunt.

When all else fails, blame the help!

And we see you trying to dump this shit on Hope Hicks, Junior! Via CNN,

Donald Trump Jr. told House investigators that he did not communicate directly with his father when confronted with news reports about his June 2016 Trump Tower meeting, according to multiple sources with knowledge of his testimony.

Instead, Trump Jr. said he was speaking to White House aide Hope Hicks about how to respond to the reports. He said President Donald Trump, according to the sources, was debating between a longer and a shorter statement while the President and Hicks were aboard Air Force One.

Okay, let's just say for the sake of argument that this is actually how it went down. Lil' Dipshit hollered into his Obamaphone, "Dad, I am a jackass who sent emails about Russian dirt on Hillary." And then Hicks turned to the president and said, "He says he's a jackass who sent emails about Russian dirt on Hillary." They drafted that whole bullshit statement about bouncy Russian babies and she never handed over the phone or pressed speakerphone because ... reasons. Fine, whatever.

But don't go pretending that your father is out of the loop because he doesn't do email.

There is no plausible deniability because you forwarded emails to Hicks instead of your father. Literally no one believes that the 29-year-old who steams your father's baggy pants while they hang off his bloated carcass is the end user.

Hicks may be young, but her money is old. NFW she fell on her sword when Mueller interviewed her last month. If anyone's walking out of that dumpster fire unscathed it's Hope Hicks. She's even smart enough to stay off Twitter, unlike some people ...

Oh, Junior ... you have no idea what's about to hit you.

Please hit us WITH MONEY! We will turn it into further giggles over the Trump's super-amazing legal strategery!

[CNN / Politico / WaPo]

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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