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Donald Trump Just Hallucinating Now, Sees Shade Of Melania When She's Not There

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Melanie Trump hasn't been seen in public since she went away to the hospital for treatment of a benign kidney issue 15 days ago. But no worries, she's recovered tremendously, even though Donald kind of forgot her name when he welcomed her home:

The White House has been in communications blackout mode regarding Melon's condition, although by now she should be back in circulation, says the Washington Post:

Although medical experts have said the kind of procedure the first lady had typically requires only a night’s hospitalization, White House and East Wing aides have said nothing more about her condition and instead asked for privacy.

This week her office did not say when she planned to resume public events but said she had been holding meetings with her staff. “We’ve had several internal staff meetings in the past week around a variety of topics, including her initiatives,” Stephanie Grisham, the first lady’s spokeswoman, said in an email.

She's definitely not on a separate vacation on either the French or '72 Buick boattail Riviera, or off at Trump Tower consulting with divorce attorneys, absolutely not. And who are we to speculate, really? None of our damn business. Except for when Donald Trump acts like a damn fool the way he does:

Friday morning, a reporter shouted a question to the president about a his wife’s whereabouts as he prepared to board Marine One to attend the Naval Academy commencement.

According to a pool report, President Trump responded by pointing to a window in the White House residence, and said: “She’s doing great. She’s looking at us right there.”

Reporters turned to look at the spot he indicated, but there was no sign of the first lady.

Yes, the "president" of the USA is now living out plot gimmicks from the '60s sitcom "The Addams Family." Next week, high jinks ensue as Trump gets bonked on the noggin while juggling the bust of Churchill in the Oval Office. Suffering from amnesia, he believes himself to be the WWII leader of Great Britain, and orders a confused Jim Mattis to crush Gandhi's independence movement with all necessary force. On the upside, he also steals an idea from the Labour Party and institutes National Healthcare before John Kelly knocks him on the head again.

Maybe Melania really was "right there," but puckishly hid before anyone saw her. Maybe she was a hallucination. Maybe Trump had just shaken hands with one of those Air Force missile guards. Maybe something horrible happened, and Trump is the kid from the Sixth Sense now. Or maybe the faces of those he's wronged are no longer waiting until bedtime to loom before him.

Or perhaps Donald Trump is seven years old and has the nuclear codes. Fun!

[WaPo / NPR / Image enthusiastically stoled from @PaperbackParadise on Twitter ]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!

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Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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