fuck-up


UH OH looks like the yooge, terrific, tremendous Donald J. Trump campaign for U.S. American president, which does not NEED your money, because Trump is so wealthy, might have to start paying for Hillary attack ads with its EBT card!

Donald Trump's campaign raised $3.1 million in May and ended last month with $1.3 million in the bank, a remarkably poor showing that will only heighten Republican concerns about his ability to run a serious general election campaign against presumptive Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

Trump's paltry fundraising last month is totally inexplicable given that he effectively secured the Republican presidential nomination on May 3 when he crushed Sen. Ted Cruz (Tex.) in the Indiana primary. Cruz ended his campaign that night. Ohio Gov. John Kasich dropped out the next day.

WHAT? The Washington Post's Chris Cilizza, throwing so much shade, explains that during the merry month of May, Trump was the presumptive GOP nominee for 27 days. So, if you draw an abacus on the back of your cocktail napkin and do your #NewMath, that means he only raised $114,000 per day as said presumptive nominee. Sad!

So how is Hillary, the soon-to-be-indicted for emailing (LOL) Democratic presumptive nominee, doing? Is the whole country in the shitter and just ain't got no money for these ne'er-do-wells running for president?

[H]er May was a little bit different than Trump's. For one, she was still fighting a serious primary challenge from Bernie Sanders. Despite that, she raked in $27 million and ended the month with $42 million on hand.

Let's pull out that abacus one more time! By our calculations, Hillary raised almost NINE TIMES as much as Trump did. By the way, NINE TIMES is also how much longer Hillary's "fingers" are than Trump's. (Allegedly, according to what we heard.)

Know who else has more American moneys than Donald Trump? Good old Bernie Sanders, who is supposedly so bad at doing dollars that he is a big old free college socialist. He raised $15.6 million in May, and has $9.2 million on hand.

Once upon a time, the Hillary campaign, the Bernie campaign and the Trump campaign decided to go out for the evening at an elegant Michelin-rated restaurant, followed by dancing at the hottest, most luxurious new club in town. Guess who had to go home and cry into his Twitter account while Hillz and Bernie danced the fandango? Donald Trump, because the cover charge for the club was two million buckeroos, and Donald Trump ain't got no two million buckeroos, AWWWWWW.

Know who ELSE has more money in their campaign coffers than Trump? Ted Cruz AND Ben Carson. (Ben Carson! For real!)

Oh well. Maybe Trump can borrow money from the RNC, that organization what loves him so:

Trump won't have the Republican National Committee to fall back on either.The RNC collected $11 million in May — $3 million of which came from a joint fundraising account with Trump. The committee ended the month with $20 million in the bank but $7 million in debt. If Trump can't raise lots more money — both for himself and for the RNC — it's possible that coordinated campaigns aimed at helping GOP candidates up and down the ballot may not be fully funded.

DECLINED!

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/603174/donald-trump-to-that-corey-lewandowski-schmuck-you-are-no-longer-employed-here"></a>[/wonkbar]Trump says it's all OK though (and that this was DEFINITELY not why he fired that creep Corey Lewandowski) because he is the richest mortal man in all of the galaxy (LOL) and he'll just pay for it himself if he has to:

Trump brushed off questions about the disparity on Tuesday, telling NBC's TODAY that he's "raised a lot of money" in the past week and will dip into his own pockets if needed.

"I understand money better than anybody," Trump said.

DOES HE, THOUGH? Well, he IS a billionaire, so maybe! Or is he even a billionaire? Maybe, maybe not! HMMMMMM.

It's possible Trump is none of those things, and instead is just an appleheaded vagina mouth troll baby who's really bad at business, bad at campaigns, bad at economy, and bad at life. Oh, and he builds ugly buildings and has bad taste in general. So there's that.

[Washington Post / NBC]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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