Donald Trump Pretty Sure Hillary Clinton Leaked Secrets On Anthony Weiner's Wiener
Donald Trump would like to talk to us about who's a big perv now.
We now know that, in the wake of the latest round of WeinerLeaks, Huma Abedin is separating from her gross husband, former congressman Anthony Weiner. And we think it's probably good for her to get the hell away from him, because he is yucky, and she can do better. We also feel sorry for their poor kid. Because we are #normal, that's about all we have to say about that, but you know who had a few more things to say about it? Donald Trump, of course!
If you cannot embiggen good on your mama's Obamaphone, here's the text of the statement:
"Huma is making a very wise decision. I know Anthony Weiner well, and she will be far better off without him. I only worry for the country in that Hillary Clinton was careless and negligent in allowing Weiner to have such close proximity to highly classified information. Who knows what he learned and who he told? It's just another example of Hillary Clinton's bad judgment. It is possible that our country and its security have been greatly compromised by this." - Donald J. Trump
Um OK, we have questions:
- WTF with Donald Trump, the adulterer and womanizer with the trail of ex-wives, being all "U GO GURL, YOU DON'T WANT NO SCRUBS"? Is it because he recognizes that he, like Anthony Weiner, is a naughty perv-monster, and he would want somebody to feel sorry for Melania if/when she found out he was test driving newer models again?
- Or is he just making this about him, because everything in the known universe is, by definition, about Donald Trump? (Hint: This is the correct answer to this quiz.)
- Hillary's close adviser is Huma Abedin, NOT her schlong-texting husband Anthony Weiner. Hillary, as secretary of state, was by definition in proximity to classified information, and as such, so was Huma. Is Trump suggesting that Huma ran home every single day like, "Anthony! Anthony! Here is some salacious gossip Hillz told me about secret CIA black sites and stuff, I was thinking maybe we could sext it to some of your sexty friends later, in bed"? Is that how he thinks it works when you have a high security clearance, that you just immediately go home and spill the goods to your spouse?
- AND ON THAT NOTE, does this possibly tell us something about Trump's fundamental lack of understanding of the job he's running for? Does he think he gets to tell Melania the nuclear launch codes, just in case he's too busy Twittering to fire cruise missiles at Lithuania or Canada or whatever country said he had a small penis that day? "MELANIA, GET IN HERE, I HAVE A YOOGE WIFELY DUTY FOR YOU TO DO THAT IS NOT SEXUAL!" That is not how any of this works.
OK, those are our questions, feel free to tell us the obvious answer -- "Donald Trump is a psychotic dipshit who is failing so hard right now, scraping the bottom for the sake of his dumbest supporters by trying to make this about Crooked Lying Hillary" -- in the comments, which are not allowed.