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You have the right to free speech as long as you're not dumb enough to actually try it.


Well thank goodness Donald Trump has finally figured out what he thinks about San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick's decision to remain seated during the National Anthem (Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'") during preseason f'ball games. He does not like it. Nossir, doesn't like it one bit.

Kaepernick set off the sensitive feels of millions of patriots who don't give a lick for political correctness by saying these things that were offensive to them:

"I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color," Kaepernick told NFL Media after Friday's game. "To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder."

He added that when America was discernibly less racist, he might start standing for the anthem again. The backlash was swift and heatedly patriotic, with people burning replica jerseys, calling Kaepernick a traitor, and insisting he should be fired, deported, or perhaps traded to ISIS before the season begins.

Needless to say, Actual Republican Presidential Nominee Donald Trump (sometimes we spell that out just to remind ourselves it is a fact and not some horrible dream) had thoughts on the matter, explaining that Kaepernick can certainly leave the Greatest Country In The History Of The World if he has a problem with it:

“I have followed it and I think it’s personally not a good thing. I think it’s a terrible thing, and you know, maybe he should find a country that works better for him, let him try, it’s not gonna happen,” Trump told The Dori Monson Show on Monday.

This is of course how we Americans address our serious disputes about social issues. Or at least how we do when anyone seems remotely disrespectful of the flag, like for instance by not capitalizing it. Fortunately, the jist of the National Dialogue has already been memed, as noted in the comments we don't allow by Alert Wonkette Operative "Zippy W Pinhead":

We're awfully glad to see that Donald Trump knows there's no room in U.S. America for some so-called "sports hero" to badmouth the United States and everything it stands for. Why, the very thought should exclude anyone from being lionized. It's disgusting, is what it is.

Sports people who fail to recognize the perfection of our great nation can just get the hell out. Or wait 40 years to be recognized as courageous heroes who stood up for their principles. But not right now.

Happily, because racism is a thing of the past, or is only practiced by the NAACP, none of Kaepernick's critics used any racially-charged language to express their disapproval:

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/604763/donald-trump-wishes-democrats-would-maybe-use-some-patriotic-imagery-the-commies"></a>[/wonkbar]Yes, there was more in that vein. Most of the outrage was of course directed at Kaepernick's outrageous hatred for America, which is perfect and should never be thought of as imperfect, at least not when you're talking about the flag, which is a sacred symbol and a registered trademark of the Real American Republican Party.

Hold on to that feeling!

[ESPN / Buzzfeed]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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What's up fuckers? Were you waiting for me to come back from Mexico and write words at ya? Well, you know I don't write words at ya anymore, because of how I hate you, each, individually, but more importantly Trump has knocked all the words right out of my silly little lady brain.

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BONESAW WEEK WILL NEVER END! It's like Infrastructure Week, only stuff actually happens. And the stuff is all horrible! This morning, Saudi authorities indicted 11 suspects in the October killing of Jamal Khashoggi, announcing their intention to execute five of them. Despite copious evidence that the killing in the Turkish consulate was ordered by Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, lackeys are going to take the fall -- with their heads. And the US Treasury Department dutifully responded by imposing sanctions on 17 Saudis "involved in the abhorrent killing" of a legal US resident who was in the process of applying for citizenship. So, we're good now, yes? We can go back to selling them murder machines to kill Yemeni civilians?

And then SHIT GOT WEIRD.

NBC reports that the Trump administration is so desperate to resume normal relations with Jared Kushner's BFF MBS that they're trying to trade 77-year-old cleric Fetullah Gülen -- a lawful resident of Pennsylvania for 20 years -- to the Turkish government in exchange for them dropping the inquiry into the Khashoggi murder.

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