Donald Trump Scared Of Fruit
Bold man of action Donald Trump apparently confessed under oath that he’s terrified of stray produce. During a deposition for his upcoming civil suit in New York, Trump was asked about the many times he’d promoted violence at his hate rallies, specifically an incident in 2016 when he told his droogs that if anyone threw a tomato at his orange head, they should “knock the crap out of them.” He even offered to pay their legal fees, and we all know Trump’s a man of his word.
From Business Insider:
"And you said that 'if you see someone getting ready to throw a tomato, just knock the crap out of them, would you.' That was your statement?" asked attorney Benjamin Dictor, who represents protesters who are suing Trump, his business and his chief of security.
According to the transcript, Trump responded, "Oh yeah ... It was very dangerous.” The plaintiff’s attorney Benjamin Dictor asked how it was dangerous. This led to a Marx Brothers routine.
"We were threatened," Trump replied.
"With what?" the lawyer asked.
"They were going to throw fruit," Trump said of protesters at the rally, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. "We were threatened. We had a threat."
The lawyer followed up: "How did you become aware that there was a threat that people were going to throw fruit?”
Trump is a horrible person, but he also watches a lot of movies. He’s probably noticed that they often throw rotten fruit at bad guys. It’s a whole thing. He’s likely conditioned to fear an overly ripe tomato.
There was even a brief debate over whether a tomato is a fruit. It is, if speaking botanically and not from a culinary standpoint. Trump campaign attorney Jeffrey L. Goldman, who’s also a defendant in the lawsuit, went with the botanical definition: "It has seeds,” he said.
Trump insisted the potential fruit assault was worse than just a tomato, but the tomato was a gateway fruit ... or vegetable.
And some fruit is a lot worse than—tomatoes are bad, by the way. But it’s very dangerous. No, I wanted them to watch. They were on alert. I remember that specific event because everybody was on alert. They were going to hit, they were going to hit hard.
Yes, he testified that his campaign had an APB out for a fruit basket.
Trump admitted that no one at the rally was packing a tomato because it’s only really in movies that people attend events armed with fruit. Tomatoes also aren’t great for snacking. I'd worry about grapes and apples, but Trump was more concerned with "a pineapple, a lot of other things they throw.” I have never seen anyone hurl a pineapple in public, and I honeymooned in Belize. Nonetheless, Trump was ready:
Yeah, if the security saw that, I would say you have to — and it’s not just me, it’s other people in the audience get badly hurt — yeah, I think that they have to be aggressive in stopping that from happening. Because if that happens, you can be killed if that happens.
It’s not about Trump! He was worried that a loyal MAGA supporter might suffer a concussion from a seed-laden missile. (Coincidentally, French President Emmanuel Macron dodged thrown tomatoes Wednesday at a Parisian food market.)
Trump admitted under oath that he considered physical violence a reasonable response to a food fight.
“To stop somebody from throwing pineapples, tomatoes, bananas, stuff like that, yeah,” Trump replied. “It’s dangerous stuff.”
Trump seems to think that if given the chance, a tomato would kill you and everyone you love. He’s obviously taken too many pineapples to the head.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."