Donald Trump SHOCKED His Bestie Michael Flynn Was LITERAL Foreign Agent THIS WHOLE TIME

Some Turkish Russian spy, we guess

Here is some news about disgraced former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn that should be surprising to no one: HE IS AN ACTUAL FOREIGN AGENT. We knew about his weird and creepy ties to Russia and how he was being paid to lobby for a Dutch company founded by a Turkish businessdude, Ekim Alptekin, on behalf of the Islamist Turkish regime of Recep Tayyip Erdogan. We knew this way back when he was nominated for the NSA position. But now the Turkey thing is news because Flynn filed papers, for official, that say he was totally a foreign agent for the Turkish government:

Flynn and his firm, Flynn Intel Group Inc., filed paperwork with the Justice Department formally identifying him as a foreign agent and acknowledging that his work for a company owned by a Turkish businessman could have aided Turkey's government. Vice President Mike Pence on Thursday called the action "an affirmation of the president's decision to ask General Flynn to resign." [...]

In paperwork filed with the Justice Department's Foreign Agent Registration Unit, Flynn and his firm acknowledged that his lobbying "could be construed to have principally benefited the Republic of Turkey."

WEIRD! He was paid $530,000, just for a little work on behalf of Not America, all while he and his pals in Russia were helping Donald Trump "win" the presidency. And this news is BRAND NEW, except for how it was reported back in November (ALL OVER THE PLACE), though not in quite this detail, because as the AP explains, Justice Department filings are far more detailed. Wonkette knew about it! It was in our piece called Trump’s Likely Pick For National Security Advisor Only A Little Unhinged And Corrupt! But we guess folks didn't quite care then :(

Know who it's definitely brand new news for, allegedly? Donald Trump!

President Donald Trump was not aware that his former national security adviser, Michael Flynn, had worked to further the interests of the government of Turkey before appointing him, the White House said Thursday. [...]

[Press Secretary Sean Spicer] declined to say whether Trump would have appointed Flynn if he had known about the lobbying.

We guess Spicer "declined to say" because he has literally no clue whether Trump cares if his NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER IS OR HAS RECENTLY BEEN A FOREIGN AGENT. Hell, we don't even know yet for sure whether or not Trump himself is a foreign agent. He's surrounded by Russian spies and Russian oligarchs and Azerbaijani mobsters, after all.

But really? This is NEW news for Trump?

On election day, November 8, 2016, Flynn published an op-ed about how Turkey is one of America's most important lovers, which insinuated that America really needs to turn over this exiled Turkish cleric Fethullah Gülen, who, depending on who's telling the story, is either a moderate Sufi scholar, or a RADICAL 'SLAMIC TERRIST who is doing "sleeper cells" and is literally Osama bin Laden. (Some say! But on the other hand! The "other hand" tends to be wingnuts!) Anyway, Turkey wants him back, probably to kill him dead, and again, Flynn wrote that op-ed on election day, right before he (allegedly) cut ties with his foreign agent gig. Huh!

On November 18, 2016, Democratic Rep. Elijah Cummings wrote a letter to then VP-elect Mike Pence, that basically said we knew Flynn was being paid to lobby for Turkey. Guess who else says he just found out about Flynn being a foreign agent? That's right, it is Mike Pence, the guy who Flynn supposedly lied to about his meetings with the Russian ambassador, which led to him getting fired.

How long had Donald Trump and Michael Flynn been gay married back in November? Oh, like, since the beginning of the campaign. TRUMP AND PENCE DID NOT KNOW? Pfffffffffft bullshit.

As we see it, there are two possibilities, and only the first one is (probably) true:

  1. Donald Trump is lying, because he's a pathological liar who lies. Also, he doesn't care that his BFF he picked for the NSA is an agent of a foreign government, because Donald Trump isn't fighting for the side of the Americans.
  2. Michael Flynn is OMG SNEAKY. He would leave Trump Tower all the time like "BRB GOTTA JACK OFF AND GET A SMOOTHIE," and two days later, Donald Trump would remark to nobody in particular, "Man, Michael Flynn jacks off and drinks smoothies for a long time!" Meanwhile, he was in Turkey the whole time, acting as an agent of a foreign government. When he would finally surface at Trump Tower a few days later, he would look at Trump and say, "Whoa, that was a good smoothie and J/O session, I should do it again tomorrow!" Because Donald Trump is stupid, he never figured it out.

Anyway, this is just a cool story that needs to be spread far and wide, because again, for official, DONALD TRUMP'S NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER WAS LITERALLY A FOREIGN AGENT. Why the hell isn't the media beating the shit out of the White House right now over this?


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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