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Donald Trump only made it a little way into a meeting with congressional Democrats yesterday before losing his shit and stomping out of the room in a diaper-soiling huff. The Dems, you see, hadn't budged on their opposition to WALL, even though Trump went out of his way to tell them it would be a steel wall, not a concrete wall, which he'd somehow convinced himself was what Dems were after.


Here's President Weaselpoots on the Twitter:

After Democrats asked Trump to at least reopen most of the government, Trump asked Nancy Pelosi if she would agree to WALL, but she did not agree to WALL, and then Trump slammed his hand on the table while he pooed himself (allegedly), according to the Washington Post.

"Well unfortunately, the president just got up and walked out," said Senate Minority Leader Charles E. Schumer (D-N.Y.)." "He asked Speaker Pelosi, "Will you agree to my wall?" She said no. And he just got up and said, Then we have nothing to discuss' and he just walked out. Again, we saw a temper tantrum."

For her part, Pelosi suggested Trump doesn't really have any clue why missing a paycheck might be a problem for government employees: "He thinks maybe they could just ask their father for more money. But they can't." Good one, Madame Speaker!

To ensure balanced coverage, WaPo notes, Democratic and Republican lawmakers "then took turns addressing reporters at the White House, trading blame and accusing each other of mischaracterizing the meeting and being intransigent." We'll assume that means Republicans said the Democrats hadn't given adequate credit to Trump for his manly resolve, while Democrats recounted exactly what Trump said, and maybe Pelosi rolled her eyes and made the universal jerk-off gesture, as one does.

Ah, but Mike Pence remembers it all very differently. A tantrum? Heavens no!

The president walked into the room and passed out candy," Vice President Pence said. "I don't recall him ever raising his voice or slamming his hand."

Senate Majority Whip John Thune (R-S.D.) said later that the candy distributed was Baby Ruth bars, M&M;'s and Butterfinger bars.

See? Trump couldn't have had a tantrum if he'd handed out candy, because don't be silly, you don't see the Easter Bunny slamming his paw down in a fit of pique, do you? Also, is Mike Pence capable of NOT lying? One Democratic source said Trump's walkout "felt totally staged."

Just so we can now have a properly stupid fight about whether there was slamming, President Grandpa fired back this morning with NO SLAMMING, NO SLAMMING, YOU'RE THE SLAMMING:

Begun this Slamgate has.

Before meeting with Chuck 'n' Nancy, Trump had held a closed-door meeting with Senate Republicans to let them know they were 100 percent behind him, capisce?

"There was no discussion of anything other than solidarity," Trump told reporters after meeting with GOP senators[.]

That's not what "lawmakers present" at the meeting told WaPo, noting that senators Lisa Murkowski and Susan Collins both "pleaded with Trump to reopen the government," but Trump wasn't about to let two dames who betrayed him on killing Obamacare get in the way of WALL:

Trump said that he was doing everything he could — but that he wouldn't end the standoff by taking nothing, according to two people familiar with the exchange who spoke on condition of anonymity to describe the private discussion.

Following the meeting, Murkowski said she "shared [her] support for the need for border security in the country and what we should do from a humanitarian perspective but a recognition that when the government is shut down there are consequences and people are starting to feel those consequences.

Meanwhile, the Washington Post reports that Collins "urged Trump to consider a previous deal she was a part of that would trade $25 billion for the wall for permanent protections for undocumented immigrants brought to the country as children," but Trump apparently told her to fuck off. We bet Collins is this very moment working on a hell of a floor speech that will decry the needless hardship of government workers who must go without, because of all this awful intransigence on both sides, and then she'll vote against reopening the government because she believes Trump will come to his senses.

Haha, we are joking of course. Susan Collins will not do any of that because Mitch McConnell has promised no bill to reopen the government will make it to the floor unless Donald Trump approves. That's the same Mitch McConnell who, before the shutdown, allowed the Senate to pass a continuing resolution to fund the government without WALL -- the very same bill the House has already passed and is ready to vote on again, just to make Rs sweat.

In other hot shutdown action, the House voted 240 to 188 yesterday to fund the Treasury Department and the Internal Revenue Service, along with a few other agencies, with eight Republicans joining Democrats. Reopening the IRS has been a concern since there are worries that with tax season underway, the agency may be unable to process returns and send out refunds. Needless to say, McConnell won't allow a Senate vote on reopening anything, because winning.

If no deal is reached and the shutdown lasts past Saturday, it will become the longest government shutdown in US history, and Donald Trump will no doubt tweet about keeping 800,000 federal employees going without pay as if it's an achievement.

He likes anything that's biggest, because that makes him the bestest!

[WaPo / NYT / Illustration: Pullman Railroad Strike, 1877, Newberry Library]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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BREAKING ACHTUNG EVERYBODY CRY AND PANIC AND HAVE ROLLICKING SEXUAL INTERCOURSE, BECAUSE ROBERT MUELLER DID THE THING.

We don't know what the thing means yet, but we know that he gave the thing to Attorney General Bill Barr, who is presumably looking at the thing right now. Donald Trump is at Mar-a-Lago, so he does not have the thing, because NO THING FOR ILLEGITIMATE PRESIDENTS. Studies show that according to sources close to the investigation who may or may not be close to the investigation, we might have some real information on what is inside the thing sometime this weekend.

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Whatcha doin' down there at Mar-a-Lago, Mister Normal President Of America?

OK ... huh?

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