Trump Tells Kurds To Go Pound Sand, Since That's All He's Left Them
Photoshoop by Wonkette

President Stable Genius somehow managed to make his decision to abandon America's Kurdish allies even worse today, explaining that the Kurds, who did most of the fighting that destroyed the ISIS caliphate in Syria, were "no angels," so they probably deserve a little light genocide at the hands of Turkey. At a press conference with Italian president Sergio Mattarella, Trump said there's really no reason for the US to get involved in a silly invasion by Turkey that Trump personally greenlit, and that all in all, he's a strategic genius for withdrawing US forces and leaving the region in chaos.

Just to underline that it's no big deal because it's only a bunch of expendable brown people dying, Trump insisted, "they've got a lot of sand over there. There's a lot of sand they can play with." Somehow, he managed to get through the presser without using your drunk uncles usual slurs for the people who live over there, so please hand him a Nobel Peace Prize, OK?

Trump framed the Turkish invasion of northern Syria, which he acquiesced to in an October 6 phone call with Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, as a thing that just sort of happened, because what could America do about it? The administration has been insisting ever since that Trump never "greenlit" the invasion, which means you need to completely ignore the White House news release that day, saying only that Turkey was invading northern Syria and mentioned nothing about Trump saying he would oppose that.

No permission at all! Erdogan just said, "Can I invade Syria?" And Trump said "I dunno CAN you?" And Erdogan didn't know he was supposed to say "MOTHER PENCE MAY I?" and just went off and did it, you see.

Today, with the absolute certainty of a Fox News viewer pontificating to all his buddies at the bar, Trump explained that all those people do over there is fight over land, they're all crazy over there, you know.

Declaring that the Kurds are "not angels. They're not angels. Take a look. You have to go back and take a look," Trump seemed to tacitly agree with Erdogan that the former US allies are really nothing more than terrorists, because they want Kurdish autonomy in Turkey and Syria, those crazies.

Besides, he said, they were only good fighters once the US equipped and assisted them, so now that ISIS is out of the way (which it isn't) they're disposable. Who cares the Kurds were literally the only regional ally the US could depend on? We're done, sorry you're getting war crimed, but you were pretty stupid to trust the USA as an ally, weren't you?

Then Trump went Full Archie Bunker with his astute analysis of Middle East politics: Let 'em kill each other, since that's just how those people all are, and it's not our problem (although I did give the go-ahead to Erdogan, whatever I say now).

Trump defends Syria withdrawal, says there is 'a lot of sand' countries can 'play with'

If it's Syria wanting to take back their land, that's a whole different story [...] That's up to Turkey and Syria, as it has been for hundreds of years, they've been fighting, and the Kurds have been fighting for hundreds of years, that whole mess, it's been going along for a long time.

There's just no reasoning with those people, whatcha gonna do, they're animals (fine, he left that part implied). And if Russia wants to get involved and become dominant in the region, they're welcome to the headache, they already got whipped by a bunch of savages in Afghanistan and that didn't have any downside for America, did it? (Yes, on top of shitting on our allies and lying, Trump's speeches today were almost exclusively Kremlin-approved talking points about Russia he's said many times before. Weird, right?)

Oddly, Trump didn't mention the (state-controlled) RT journamalists and Russian troops having a field day sharing videos of themselves digging up an abandoned US base in Syria. Pfft, so what, we have problems at home, and if they found any secrets we can probably get them from WikiLeaks.

Then Trump blurbled more about the DNC server being in Ukraine (it's not), suggesting Barack Obama hacked Hillary Clinton's election (he didn't), and saying what's really important is that most Americans are making a killing in the stock market (they are not). Evan will have more on the presser in a bit, especially Trump's latest effort to throw Rudy Giuliani under the bus. We'll just close with Trump's interesting discovery that the US, founded in 1776, and Italy, founded in 1861, have a "shared cultural and political heritage dating back thousands of years to Ancient Rome," and also fuck you, Native Americans.

Now don't all snotty and make jokes like Evan did about the Book of Genesis saying,

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw that the light was good, but all of a sudden the Spirit of God was like "awww look at America and Italy over there, just humpin' like old pals," because of how He had made light and could see that now.

Just don't do that, because Donald Trump meant our shared common cultural roots in the all-white Roman empire (yeah, sure, liar) and also how Donald Trump likes jutting out his chin just like a modern Italian leader who loved to invoke ancient Rome, too, the end.

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[Aaron Rupar on Twitter / NPR / Newsweek / Wonkette photoshoop based on "Fun With Particulates" by David Goehring, Creative Commons license 2.0. The actual babby is very cute!]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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