Donald Trump went on one of his Twitter binges Sunday night, yelling about immigration and the shutdown, as well as attacking familiar enemies Jeff Bezos and Elizabeth Warren. The pure stupidity of the Warren tweets made a lot of people wonder if Trump was twitsploding because something big is about to drop today, which seems entirely possible. Or maybe he just had real bad gas. Trying to discern what's happening in Trump's head, of course, is mostly guesswork. It's a lot like how back in Soviet times US analysts would figure out the Kremlin power structure by looking at which officials stood atop Lenin's tomb during military parades. Also, looking at old Soviet leaders is a lot more palatable than looking upon Donald Trump's works.

This one attempt at "charming" by some White House aide pretending to be Trump is worth noting, if only in contrast to all the crazy that came later.

Yeah, that one's definitely going into the Tone Poems of Donald Trump. We'll assume the tweet may have been meant to complement some pretty White House inna Snow pics sent out at about the same time by Melon's account.

Pretty! But nothing more than the canned clam before the storm, as within the hour, Trump launched into a muddled explanation that his impulsive withdrawal from Syria was coming along exactly as planned, and isn't chaotic at all, despite the reports of chaos.

And no, neither the White House nor the State Department had an explanation for Trump's apparent threat to "devastate Turkey economically" if it attacks Kurdish militias that have done much of the fighting against ISIS. But at least Trump balanced that by asking Kurds not to "provoke" Turkey, so that's diplomacy and Trump has now solved that problem. Except for the part where Turkey considers the very existence of Kurds a provocation.

Then Trump turned to that National Enquirer story about Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, his divorce, and his icky love notes ("I love you, alive girl. I will show you with my body, and my lips and my eyes, very soon") to his GF, because you ALWAYS follow threats to NATO allies with some good Page Six content, everyone knows that.

Gee, the owner of the Washington Post was the subject of a scandal story from the paper that helped cover up dirt for Trump. That's very convenient! As of yet, no sign of a hostile takeover bid for WaPo, but for all we know, Trump may decide he can declare a national emergy and have the Army buy the paper.

Trump then made a very Presidential comment on a week-old Elizabeth Warren Instagram post, because he is the man who's finally brought dignity back to the White house:

Yup, the massacre at Wounded Knee is a real knee-slapper, all right. Intrepid observers noticed that Trump briefly deleted the tweet and then re-posted it, because apparently he wanted to rethink the propriety of the "president" of the United States making a mocking reference to a historic massacre. Or at least fix his commas, because people making fun of his punctuation would REALLY bother him.

The man who spent most of the holiday break alone in the White House while his preteen son was with Melon in Florida then followed that one up with this devastating observation about Family Values:

Then it was on to a couple of flattering quotes from a Pat Buchanan column urging him to declare an emergy and build the wall, because there's nothing like citing an old white supremacist to prove how good you are at thinkering. In typical TrumpNotes citation format (soon to be mandatory after an emergency declaration), the bits in quotation marks here are actually Buchanan quoting bogus crime figures from Trump's Oval Office speech last week.

A whole bunch of journos on Twitter noted the Buchanan column was published at the white nationalist site VDare, which is true, although some dude at Inquisitr also pointed out Patty-Patty Bucke-Buke's column originates on and is syndicated to other sites, so maybe Trump actually had the quote fed to him from the Buchanan site or one of the other fine outlets carrying Buchanan, like, WND, InfoWars, or the Muskogee, Oklahoma, Phoenix. (We joke -- it's not in the Phoenix yet.) So really, we can't say Trump for sure read it at the white supremacist site, or since Trump can't read, whether Stephen Miller did.

Bad enough, though, since wherever it appears, the Buchanan piece is just chock full o' dogwhistles like

  • "mass migration from the global South, not climate change, is the real existential crisis of the West."
  • "Now, the whole Western world is worried about its borders as issues of immigration and identity convulse almost every country."
  • "[Democrats] have a demographic and ideological interest in changing the face of the nation."
  • "the larger the share of the U.S. population that requires welfare, the greater the need for more social workers, and the more voters there will be to vote to further grow the liberal welfare state."

After 'splaining that all minorities are on welfare forever, Buchanan builds to this White-Genocide crescendo:

The more multiracial, multiethnic, multicultural, multilingual America becomes — the less it looks like Ronald Reagan's America — the more dependably Democratic it will become.

The Democratic Party is hostile to white men, because the smaller the share of the U.S. population that white men become, the sooner that Democrats inherit the national estate.

The only way to greater "diversity," the golden calf of the Democratic Party, is to increase the number of women, African-Americans, Asians and Hispanics, and thereby reduce the number of white men.

We suppose maybe we should thank Reagan adviser Buchanan for acknowledging that Ronald Reagan's America was a beautiful shining city for white people. So many Republicans seem to want to pretend otherwise.

Then this morning, Uncle Grampa was up again and shitposting about gas prices and the divisive Fake News, yelling about Dems leaving town over the weekend (after Mitch McConnell adjourned the Senate), and also yelling "HELLO CLEVELAND!!" to all his fans in Jersey City:

At least he deleted that one, so you are not allowed to make fun of his commas.

[NBC News / WaPo / Page Six]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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