Donald Trump Tweets Something So Awful And Grotesque, You Absolutely MUST CLICK THIS NOW
Hooray, now the internet and the cable news talking boneheads are all having a Very Serious Discussion about "OMG!" and "He doesn't know the First Amendment very good!" and "Let us have a calm and reasoned debate over whether we should throw the Constitution in the trash," and that's all well and good. When the president-elect of the United States suggests that people should be jailed for the unsavory but very constitutionally protected act of burning the flag, it's worth saying something.
And people are! Republican Rep. Sean Duffy says the First Amendment actually does exist, which means he disagrees with Trump, and Republican House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy agrees that the First Amendment should be protected under Führer Trump. Hooray for Republicans who have occasional brushes with sanity and American patriotism! Meanwhile, that creep-ass Trump flying monkey Jason Miller, one of many Trump aides who looks like he keeps bags of hair in his nightstand, agrees with Trump that flag burning should be "illegal," though he doesn't specify whether he agrees with his orange daddy about what the penalties should be.
So that's that. Hooray for the First Amendment! We should definitely make sure over the next few years that we never cede that freedom or any other, no matter what the little wanna-be despot wants.
But can we have a little chat-sy super fast? We don't want to take up too much of your time, of course.
CAN WE STOP BREATHLESSLY REPORTING EVERYTHING TRUMP TWITTER-BANGS ONTO HIS JITTERBUG PHONE?
Or barring that, can we at least give equal time to whatever other insane Trump scandals are brewing out there, instead of following his Twitter like goddamn kittens eternally enthralled by laser pointers?
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/608884/team-of-evils-trumps-pick-for-hhs-cant-wait-to-repeal-obamacare-privatize-medicare-certify-orphans-as-food"></a>[/wonkbar]Oh that's right, Medicare, that is a thing! Wonkette has a story today about Rep. Tom Price, Trump's pick for HHS secretary. He's literally fucking awful, and we hope you don't like having healthcare, because you might not if he's confirmed! Or maybe we could talk about how Trump met with actual classified information leaker David Petraeus on Monday, and might be considering him for secretary of State! Or Trump's unprecedented international business conflicts of interest, could those be interesting? Maybe!
The possibilities are literally endless, if you'd like to search the internet for quality reporting on Very Bad Things about Donald Trump that have nothing to do with whatever he most recently twattered out to the reality TV-addicted waddling hordes of America.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/608153/no-for-real-though-is-donald-trump-a-russian-intelligence-asset"></a>[/wonkbar]That's Jamelle Bouie from Slate. He is a very good reporter, just like David Corn from Mother Jones, whose tweet we posted above. Corn did some of the most important investigative journalism during the campaign on Trump's weird, scary ties to Russia. You should read about it!
We don't honestly know the exact strategery behind Trump's Twitter habits, or even if there's a "strategery" to it at all. Editrix Rebecca thinks, from following the journos who know Trump the best, that he's just A Idiot with trigger-happy Twitter fingers, who can't control himself from tweeting whatever crap happens inside his brain. Others think he's actively deflecting attention from other bad stories that might otherwise dominate the media coverage, like whatever he was tweeting the day he settled the Trump University lawsuits.
Personally, we think it's somewhere in the middle -- he is both a dumb, unhinged, thin-skinned jackass with the self-control of a toddler who is currently pooping, and also a reality TV showman who wants to be the architect of his own media coverage, driving the story with the luxurious production values and brilliance ONLY HE POSSESSES.
But it doesn't matter. The point is that if we spend the next few years obsessing over every wayward tweet, it might be easy to miss the stories of Trump actually working to dismantle our American system, and we don't want to do that, now do we?
So just unfollow him. We promise, if he tweets something awful, you'll hear about it. Also, can you imagine how shriveled up his Down Theres would get if he suddenly started hemorrhaging Twitter followers? LOLOL HILARIOUS!
So just go #UnfollowDonaldTrump, will ya? DO IT FOR AMERICA! AND TO MAKE HIM FEEL SAD IN HIS PANTS! FUCK YEAH!
OK, that's all, post over, WONKETTE OUT.