Donald Trump, Who Owns Everything But A Mirror, Called Heidi Klum Ugly

Not yooge.

There I was, minding everyone's business, reading EOnline I guess.

"The woman in question this time around was supermodel Heidi Klum. 'Sometimes I do go a little bit far,' [Donald Trump] admitted, before adding, 'Heidi Klum. Sadly, she's no longer a 10.'"

Wait, what? How did the topic of Heidi Klum being old, gross and not ravishing enough for shrunken applehead doll vagina mouth Donald Trump come up? How was she "the woman in question"? What the ... huh? How was I to make sense of this magnificent non sequitur? The fuck I was going to click through to a column by Maureen Dowd.

See? Total vagina mouth.

"Kaili," said I. "You all have really been kicking ass lately, but neglecting Donald Trump calling Heidi Klum a haggy old crone woman is probably blogging malpractice."

"I read Maureen Dowd already this month," she replied, and then typed something that looked a lot like "Go fuck yourself."

I clicked through to a column by Maureen Dowd.

Later, I discovered Kaili WAS LYING.

Blah blah blah, said Maureen Dowd.

Harrumph burble idiot thing burp, said Donald Trump.

This was proving to be the best Maureen Dowd column yet.

Skim mightily though I did, I could find no explanation for why Donald Trump was pronouncing on the relative beauty of anyone, much less Heidi Klum, and Maureen Dowd, being a terrible reporter, writer, and human woman, did not make it easy.

How does he tone it down when he’s proud of his outrageous persona, his fiery wee-hours Twitter arrows and campaign “gusto,” and gratified by the way he can survive dissing John McCain and rating Heidi Klum when that would be a death knell for someone like Scott Walker?

“Sometimes I do go a little bit far,” he allowed, adding, after a moment: “Heidi Klum. Sadly, she’s no longer a 10.”

He could act more refined, he muses over spaghetti and meatballs, with a side of pulled pork, in the Trump Tower restaurant, as fans gawk and wait for selfies, but that would make for a boring lunch.

Hmmm, that did not explain it, beyond "Maureen Dowd and Donald Trump are having a catty meow meow bitch session, purr meow cackle bitch." Would this?

He said Rosie [O'Donnell] was a bully and the only way to beat bullies is to smack them in the nose.

So he doesn’t think of himself as a bully?

He looks hurt. “Oh, no, the opposite,” he said. “In fact, I’ll go a step further. The way to do best with me is to be really nice to me.”

No, that would not explain anything beyond "Donald Trump does not know what words mean, or when he is saying the opposite of what he thinks he is." But then he made fun of Carly Fiorina's voice.

What if he bursts into Trumpian analysis of how Carly and Hillary look?

“Oh, I would never talk about their looks,” he replied primly. He did, however, imitate how his ears felt (“Eeeeeeeeee”) when he hears Carly’s “staccato bing, bing, bing” voice and delivery.

So that was a true thing that he said, and that Maureen Dowd wrote down. Another Pulitzer for MoDo, please!


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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