Donate

Not a smart bunny.


No one has ever accused Attorney General Jeff Sessions of being the quickest bunny in the forest. This man, who speaks at the astonishing rate of seven words per minute, is just a simple yokel from bumfuck, who has spent his career trying to do genteel racism to the people of Alabama, and now the whole country, just like his Lord done called him to do.

Also, he may have had a bunch of meetings with the Russians on behalf of Donald Trump that he lied about under oath and failed to report, but that is probably all a misunderstanding. All southern gentlemen are taught that if a white man shows up at your door, you invite him in to sit a spell, even if he has a funny name like Sergey. "You ain't from around here, boy, are ya?" "Nyet, I am Sergey, here to help steal election for Donald Trump and maybe get unfair Obama sanctions removed from my beloved Mother Russia." "Well dangit, we ain't like that Obama in this neck o' the woods neither, now let me heat you up some of mama's famous pot pie while you tell me about these rascal Nobummer sanctions." And that is the story of How The West Was Won, by Russia. (Allegedly.)

Anyway, all's Jeff Sessions did was try to help, but it turns out Donald Trump is SHITFIRE AND DAMNATION MAD at him, because this one single time, Sessions tried to do the right thing. Remember when he announced that, because he is a good boy, he reckoned he should re-cuse himself from all this Trump-Russia boy howdy rigamarole?

If you'd like to relive that moment, very, very slowly, here is the video:

My staff. Re-com-mended. Re-cusal. They said. Because I had involvement. In the cam-paign. I should not be involved in any cam-paign. Investigation. [...]

I believe those recommendations are right and just. Therefore I have recused myself ...

And so on and so forth.

The New York Times reports on the GRRRR ANGER Donald Trump is visiting upon his golden boy Jeff Sessions:

... [M]ore than four months into his presidency, Mr. Trump has grown sour on Mr. Sessions ... blaming him for various troubles that have plagued the White House.

The discontent was on display on Monday in a series of stark early­-morning postings on Twitter in which the president faulted his own Justice Department for its defense of his travel ban on visitors from certain predominantly Muslim countries. Mr. Trump accused Mr. Sessions’s department of devising a “politically correct” version of the ban — as if the president had nothing to do with it.

Hahahahahaha, because every American judge living and dead had told the original ban to get fucked. And of course the "fixed" executive order was signed by none other than Donald Trump, the fucking loon now blaming the Justice Department for HIS failures.

But this is the REAL meat of the mad Trump has going for Sessions:

In private, the president’s exasperation has been even sharper. He has intermittently fumed for months over Mr. Sessions’s decision to recuse himself from the investigation into Russian meddling in last year’s election, according to people close to Mr. Trump who insisted on anonymity to describe internal conversations. In Mr. Trump’s view, they said, it was that recusal that eventually led to the appointment of a special counsel who took over the investigation.

Fact check: Fuck off, Mr. President. Sessions's recusal was a Good Thing, because he's obviously a PERSON OF INTEREST IN THE INVESTIGATION.

Now, maybe it's true that an un-recused Sessions wouldn't have appointed a special prosecutor after Trump FIRED THE FBI DIRECTOR FOR REFUSING TO KILL THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION. (Hint: Trump's firing of Comey and the way Trump disgustingly took advantage of Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein to come up with an ex post facto justification for firing Comey are the real reasons there is now a special prosecutor.)

However, judging by the video above, it's possible that Sessions might have ended up getting together with his staff, and then made a slow-spoken statement 'splainin' that everybody had looked at the law, dotted their T's, crossed their I's, and made sure every "y'all" had the apostrophe in the correct place, and decided it would be best to appoint a special prosecutor. Sessions is a dumbfuck from the hinterlands, but he also served in the United States Senate for a long-ass time, where he presumably learned a thing or three about how the U.S. government works. He also should know how "investigations" work because of how he was a US attorney once! Which is how everyone already knew he was soooo racist :(

The point is that Trump is pissed off at Sessions for the same reason he lost his shit at James Comey. The president's dumb spray-tanned ass thought he could just nominate a whole bunch of people to serve as his minions, and that they would do so without regard for the laws of the nation the president obviously gives so few fucks about. Bad calculation, trashball.

As Greg Sargent notes at the Washington Post, Trump's inability to take responsibility for literally any of this is highly disturbing, and the mark of a wanna-be authoritiarian autocrat. The only good news seems to be that, despite those tendencies, Trump lacks the basic competence and smarts to become anything more than the greatest laughingstock in American presidential history.

Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you! If you love us, click below to fund us!

[New York Times / Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc