Donald Trump's Cinco de Mayo Message Less Authentically Mexican Than '¡Yo Quiero Taco Bell!'
Donald Trump so Mexican, y'all:
We are officially dead now. This is the man who says Mexico is sending us all its dirty rapists, and that we need an elegant, gold-plated border wall to keep them out, and that we should have invaded Mexico after 9/11, and ALL THE OTHER SHIT HE HAS SAID ...
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/590841/donald-trump-wishes-wed-invaded-mexico-for-doing-911-maybe"></a>[/wonkbar]But he loves the authentic Tex-Mex taco bowls they make at Taqueria la Trump, they are tremendous and terrific and if you put a little authentic Messican Tabasco sauce in them, they're even hotter than his daughter Ivanka. ¡Si Señor! Donald Trump just LOVES to take his tenedor and his cuchillo and cram the taco bowl contents into his appleheaded vagina la boca.
And he especially loves saying he loves the Hispanics while he eats his taco bowl on the traditional Hispanic holiday of Cinco de Mayo, when the noble saldados of the nation of Hispanica fought for their independence, a story all patriotic Americans know by heart, especially the ones who have offices in Trump Tower.
(By the way and #HistoryFact, it's not Mexican "independence day" either, you dumb margarita-swilling Americanos.)
We would yell more, but we will just leave you with this commenter on Trump's Facebook, who would like to say some things:
Happy Cinco de Mayo, Wonkette children. Now go out and eat yourself a Trump taco bowl, son YOOOOOOOGELY excelentes!