Donald Trump's European Vacation. Wonkagenda For Thurs., June 6, 2017

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

While you were sleeping, Trump criticized North Korea, CNN, and US intel agencies in a press conference with Polish President Andrzej Duda, and remarkably had mean things to say about Russia in Ukraine. Early this morning, Trump blathered behind a podium in front of an astroturf crowd some words about Poland in a long, stupid speech.

Poland has an eerily similar Putin populism problem,and even though Poland has a rather favorable view of the U.S., (not necessarily Trump) it's busing in people from the country so that Trump doesn't get his feelings hurt. [MANDATORY Morning Maddow!]

Trump is prepping for his meeting with Putin by reading memos...that are 140 characters in length. This assumes that he actually reads (let alone retains) anything other than catch phrases and talking points of a single made-up word.

Trump's aides are legit worried about Trump being in a room alone with Putin because they're pretty confident Putin would start riding him around bareback.

Trump's White House is all in for CruzCare, but the rest of the GOP is breathing deep, panicky breaths.

The Pentagon will no longer announce the deaths of US soldiers until 24 hours after the families have been notified seeing as how dead soldiers might make people feel icky about the war we forget we are STILL fighting.

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! A federal appeals court has ruled undocumented immigrant children detained by immigration authorities are legally entitled to court hearings to determine whether or not they should be held captive. OF COURSE it was the LIBERAL Ninth Circuit.

Kris Kobach doesn't want you to think he's doing anything evil with all that voter data, so he's defending himself by calling everything "fake news" as just about every state has told him to fuck right off.

Rep. Steve Scalise is back in the hospital this morning and in serious condition over fears of a possible infection, and we honestly hope he gets better.

Tomorrow's June jobs report is expected to be pretty shitty, which would deal a serious blow to Trump's ego and all that "winning" we're supposed to be doing.

Nooses keep cropping up around in random spots around the country, and that's deeply concerning for everyone who doesn't dress up in dirty bed sheets covered in cum stains to burn crosses and preach hate.

Democrats are eye-fucking military veterans with the hopes of taking the House because the optics are a lot better than a career politician walking the lines for a grip-and-grin.

David Petraeus has no material words about Donald Trump's fitness to serve. Stop asking.

Texas is making tons of Ameros selling oil to China. Thanks, Obama!

A US Citizen is suing after being detained in Miami-Dade County over Trump's MuslimMexicantravel restrictions on brown undocumented Not American peoples.

The Chairman of the Multonomah County, Oregon (the Portland area) Republican Party thinks it's a swell idea to use militia men like the Three Percenters and Oath Keepers as security in "enemy territory." I mean, it worked for the Rolling Stones at Altamont, right?

GOOD NEWS, EVERYONE! The Oregon Republican party wants to spend $36 million on healthcare for undocumented children despite some legislators knowing their constituents will be fucking pissed at their town halls.

Yeah, a lot of people got shot in Chicago over the Fourth of July, just like last year, and the year before that, over petty bullshit. Good thing Trump sent in the Feds.

REXXON awoke from his slumber and roared that the US is willing to shoot the shit about No-Fly Zones with Russia in Syria.

Now that Trump is Putin's new girlfriend, China is slipping into bed with all the Europeans the US dumped, but it remains to be seen if Europe will like its new lover, or if it's just kind of a rebound fling.

Sergey Kislyak thinks working with Donald Trump is just so hard and all this Trump-Russia and sanction stuff is giving him a headache. :(

All hell is breaking loose in Venezuela right now as pro-administration motorcycle gangs roam the streets beating protesters and the Congress.

North Korea hasn't just been building nukes and ICBMs, it's been busy building a sock factory and a lube factory. I don't know why they need a sock and a lube factory, but I have a few ideas.

UN Ambassador Nikki Haley gave a sad, miserable speech condemning North Korea for complete fucking up her vacation plans. SHE COULD HAVE BEEN AT A BARBEQUE!

Trump's kids renewed the rights for and and there's nothing nefarious about that all. Nope. Nothing. Don't bother looking into it.

There's a new pro-Trump teevee network out there, and it's full of hacks and asshats with bad hair and terrible screen presence.

Hobby Lobby was illegally importing thousands of religious antiques from Iraq, and now they're in millions of Ameros worth of trouble.

The "alt-right" frog mob is doxxing CNN journalists on 8Chan, which is where people too xEdgeXcore for 4Chan go after they get banned for things like posting kiddie porn or doxxing.

Volvo will start making all their cars electric in 2019 in an effort to continue their tradition of safe, reliable family vehicles that are about as exciting as a Wilford Brimley narrating a laxative induced bowel movement.

And here's your morning Nice Time! A RED PANDA! It was necessary.

Go ahead and get your good deed for the day out of the way by giving us money now! Please, K, thanks!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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