[contextly_sidebar id="6jtfPqa6xesJrr6AyEekzCCDBvjt4A14"]When Donald Trump sends his rage-fueled idiot-ass supporters to the Republican National Convention, he's not sending the best America has to offer. He's sending bitter, dumbass white people who are convinced they're only dead-end losers because The Blacks and The Mexicans took something from them. He knows they're "poorly educated," and he likes them that way. And he also knows that if he wins the most delegates and the GOP tries to pull some kinda "brokered convention" rigamarole, his followers are going to go APESHIT:

We're way ahead of everybody. I don't think you can say that we don't get it automatically. I think you'd have riots.

Trump supporters aren't concerned with the #math or the #rules that say Trump has to reach 1,237 delegates before the convention to automatically get the nomination. They just want their dipshit lord and savior Donald Trump to be crowned king, and they will fuck a motherfucker up if it doesn't happen.

[contextly_sidebar id="3mdkS5C9rPODeL5N52BuFHng95azFEK1"]Trump endorser Dr. Ben Carson woke up from a nap to chime in too, saying, "There's no question that there would be a lot of turmoil." And as Carson explained this week, Trump's supporters aren't to blame for whatever violence and havoc they wreak. Mean protesters are hurting their tender feelings, after all. Why, Ben Carson's probably surprised they haven't stabbed anybody yet.

[contextly_sidebar id="Pn8iCVwI1BrfTy4rhrSkd5xhxUTLgIzh"]Moreover, the Trumpenjugend wants its country back. Their lives are devoid of meaning, and they're more than likely hungry. They have guns, rage, Hitler-esque salutes and probably Cracker Barrel coupons burning holes in their Make America Great Again fanny packs. You simply couldn't get mad at them if the convention in Cleveland this summer were to turn into some kind of meth-fueled bloodbath.

For the record, Ted Cruz also has A Opinion on brokered conventions:

That would be a disaster. I think the people would quite rightly revolt.

So, cool story, bros. Over here on the blue team, we guess we'll just pop some popcorn and drink our arugula abortion lattes and gigglepiss ourselves in glee while all y'all on the red team murder each other, for Freedom.

But wait, hold on, maybe that won't happen. A spokes-troll for the RNC -- which is totally Trump's greatest ally, you bet -- clarified on CNN that he's pretty sure Trump "is speaking figuratively." See? Trump didn't mean his followers would literally raise their hooves in anger if some kinda brokered convention malarkey were to happen! It would just be metaphorical violence, you see.

[contextly_sidebar id="6rqOkc5YK40rq3czRaTkaPTZ68XMk5Oc"]Like the metaphorical violence that happens to protesters, journalists and regular folks at Trump rallies. That's it.

And don't you act like these figurative metaphor happy nice time riots would be some sort of "bad" thing, because haha, Trump's supporters are Skoal-snorting WHITE PEOPLE, not like those hands-up-don't-shooty blackity-blackitarians in Ferguson, so it's all OK.

So the GOP is on notice. If you do not give these cattle-fellating jackwhistles what they want THEY WILL BURN THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOWN. Figuratively, of course.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Yesterday afternoon, 45-year-old Gary Martin of Aurora, Illinois was let go from his job at the Henry Pratt Company, a factory that manufactures water valves. In response, he took out a pistol with a laser scope and began shooting at random. He killed five people and injured six others who were just trying to make it through the day at the water valve factory, and then the police killed him.

His mother said he was "stressed out." He "seemed fine" according to the clerk at the Circle K where he bought his cigars that morning. His neighbor thought he was a nice guy. Some people were surprised, others were not.

This kind of thing used to be shocking, but it's a story we're used to now. It gets repeated at least once a month. It's just what happens now, and we can't do anything about it because we can't do anything about gun control. This is, the Right has decided, just the price we all have to pay so they can stockpile guns for funsies, and take sexy pictures of guns shoved in their pants. This is the blood that waters their special tree of liberty.

It's fucking exhausting. And stupid. We shouldn't have to live this way. No one should have to live this way. But we do. Why? Because some day some yahoos might want to overthrow the government, which is (of course) a completely legal thing to do, and their "right" to do that must be protected. So it's literally just never, ever going to stop.

Gary Martin, like most other mass shooters, also had a history of violence against women. In 1994, in Mississippi, he was convicted for stabbing one. He should not have been able to get a gun after that. I would like to know how and why he was able to get that pistol with the laser scope that he killed five people with yesterday afternoon. Maybe someone gave it to him. Maybe he bought it somehow. Maybe someone forgot to do a background check. Maybe he bought it from someone who didn't have to do a background check.

I am so goddamned tired of writing this article. I am out of things to say.


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That's right, Wonkers, while we're all up here in America dealing with the terribleness, your Editrix and her fambly are in MEXICO AT THE BEACH, where they will probably stay for a little while longer or maybe they're never coming back SHRUGGIE EMOTICON. But that's OK, they deserve some time to be AT THE BEACH in MEXICO, oh no, don't get NATIONAL EMERGY CARAVANNED!

Yeah, so it's time to count down your top ten stories of the week, like we do on Saturday mornings. Shall we? WE SHALL.

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