Donald Trump's New Daddy Turned Dead Breitbart Into Most Delightful, Bigoted Sh*thole On Internet
The whole webbytubes has been abuzzing today about Donald Trump's selection of Stephen Bannon, chairman of Dead Breitbart Dot Org, as the chief executive of his campaign. But a lot of people are probably thinking, "Who IS this Stephen Bannon monster, and is he as bad as most people suspect? And did he actually make Breitbart worse, because how is that even possible? Don't we already call it Dead Breitbart because Andrew Breitbart was such an insufferable asshole who produced the worst site ever?" The answer to these questions is YUP, but let's take a lookie:
Who Or What Is A 'Breitbart'?
As Buzzfeed's Ben Smith explains, Breitbart founder Andrew Of Breitbart, who died of being a blowhard in 2012, "saw his work this way: not as journalism, but as 'war.'" He created a place where, as Smith explains, his greatest concern was about the effect his "news" had on politics, with little regard for journalistic ethics or respect for his readers.
While Andrew Breitbart was still Not Dead, his site was responsible for such reporting as the bullshit Shirley Sherrod video, the bullshit ACORN videos, and the actual gross sexting exploits of former congressman Anthony Wiener, who remains gross to this day. Good job on that one, Breitbart!
Former Breitbart Dot Com virgin-in-chief Ben Shapiro -- who left the site in a huff earlier this year over the site's transformation from a guerrilla journalism thingie for the right into a full-time fellatio factory for Donald Trump -- says Andrew Breitbart HATED racism, like so very much. Why, according to Shapiro, Andrew had some black friends, at Tulane! As Crooks & Liars explained in 2011, however, Breitbart was a repository for racist trash, even back then, but it came mostly in the form of screaming "REVERSE RACISMS!" and saying that the liberals are the real racists. You know, typical wingnut bullshit.
But then, once upon a time, Andrew Breitbart made like a dim lightbulb and died, and Stephen Bannon relaunched the site. The New York Times took a stab at explaining what "Breitbart" is, if you like your explanations without dick jokes, because you suck at life.
And who the fuck is Stephen Bannon anyway?
According to Dead Andrew Breitbart, who promoted Bannon's wingnut propaganda documentaries, he was just like this one Nazi:
Breitbart, who also lived in Los Angeles, had a profound influence on Bannon. When they met, Breitbart was starting his website, after having worked with Drudge and having helped Arianna Huffington launch the Huffington Post. Bannon lent his financial acumen and office space. He marveled at Breitbart’s visceral feel for the news cycle and his ability to shape coverage through the Drudge Report, which is avidly followed by TV producers and news editors. [...]
[H]e described Bannon, with sincere admiration, as the Leni Riefenstahl of the Tea Party movement.
Post over, just go Google Leni Riefenstahl if you've forgotten your #historyfacts, and you know everything you need to know.
Just kidding. We would be remiss if we didn't let his former employee Ben Shapiro tell us what a piece of shit Bannon is, because it's nice to ONCE IN A WHILE BUT NOT VERY OFTEN be able to cite Ben Shapiro approvingly. He says Bannon "turned Breitbart into Trump Pravda for his own personal gain" and that Bannon is a selfish starfucker of the worst kind. He latches on to stupid conservatives like Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity and (ta-da!) Andrew Breitbart and uses them to sleep his way to the top, though Shapiro doesn't say whether Bannon ever sex-banged Palin, Hannity or Breitbart.
Shapiro says Bannon worships Trump like a God, and that under his tutelage, the campaign will become a syphilitic river of Trump-adoring yes-men:
The new team at Trump headquarters will undoubtedly include all the Breitbart staffers who openly lusted after power within the Trump campaign: Joel Pollak, the Breitbart lawyer who desperately wanted to be a Trump speechwriter, and wrote a disgusting hit piece about me personally when I left and accurately accused the website of becoming an adjunct to the campaign; Matthew Boyle, the pseudo-journalist who reportedly bragged about becoming Trump’s press secretary; Milo Yiannopoulos, the Trump-worshipping alt-right droog stooge. They’re all in with their Godking, now.
We like it when Ben Shapiro is bitchy, like ME-OWZERS! Much better than when he's whining about getting beated up by transgenders.
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/603094/lets-have-a-donald-trump-tv-network-where-donald-trump-can-kiss-donald-trumps-ass-on-tv"></a>[/wonkbar]Shapiro says Bannon probably doesn't care whether the loser Trump wins or loses, because if he wins, Bannon just becomes more powerful, and if he loses, they can just parlay the whole thing into a new media empire (remember that rumor????) involving Trump, the jobless Roger Ailes and probably a naked, shivering Sean Hannity with a buttplug in his mouth, desperately searching for a place in this world where people actually love him for who he is.
Shapiro closes with a graf about how Bannon is "legitimately sinister" and a "smarter version of Trump," and oh fuck it, his whole piece is so lovably pissed off, we recommend you just read it in full. (If you can get past the ads, which are even worse than Wonkette ads! Which suck!)
For a long, exhaustive and much less bitchy history of the man who is Stephen Bannon, read Joshua Green's excellent piece in Bloomberg. Short version: He's a bad fucker.
So how bad is Breitbart under the tutelage of Stephen Bannon?
[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/599593/breitbart-remembers-which-side-its-bread-is-buttered-on-it-is-trump-brand-bread"></a>[/wonkbar]Well, for one thing, Dead Andrew Breitbart actually did not like Donald Trump, so he'd be displeased that Bannon has turned the site into a Trumpian fuckfest of tiny-handed proportions, both online and behind the scenes. It's that way in its reporting, and it's that way when former Trump campaign people rough up lady Breitbart reporters. Remember that whole thing, when Corey Lewandowski manhandled reporter Michelle Fields, and the site inexplicably took Lewandowski's side? Great stuff. That, of course, was what led Ben Shapiro to have a crisis of conscience and get the fuck out of dodge.
The Breitbart site is staffed by sextremely bad liars, and there's that pathetic thing about how they're trying to do their own REAL polls that show that Trump is REALLY winning, except for how they are failures, because their poll still shows Hillary winning.
But other than that, all one has to do is look at some Breitbart headlines to see what a horribly homophobic, racist, cesspool of human nastiness it's turned into (we mean even worse than it was, maybe), a place that indulges all the deepest, darkest fantasies of the extremist right, or the "alt-right," or whatever the fuck those hipsters want to call themselves these days. Media Matters has collected a bunch of those terrible heds, and we found some of our own too:
Get it? Bill Kristol is a bad Jew because he doesn't support Donald Trump!
Hahahahaha, OK that is not offensive, just hilarious, because that Milo dude is such a fucking loser.
Is that enough? Yeah, that's enough. We could spend the rest of the week talking about how Breitbart and Stephen Bannon suck the big "D," and not in a good way, but we love ourselves, so we won't.