Don't Buy These Wonkette Bazaar Christmas Gifts Today, It Is Buy Nothing Day Dummies!
Our Commie friends say ENOUGH of the late-stage consumer capitalism that is pretty much wrecking the world -- you think shit's bad now, just wait till Bolsonaro paves over the rainforest! -- and we say "correcto, si claro, comrades!" Don't buy anything today! The new and improved ONE WEIRD TRICK of the Wonkette Bazaar will still be here tomorrow!
We went and bought our own mug press, shirt press, and hat press, and Shypixel gonna handprint everything you could possibly need for your Winter Solstice Druidfest! So come back tomorrow and buy everything!
Mugs. You gotta give us a two-week turnaround on these to learn how to use the infernal machine. After that, we'll have SHOT GLASSES too, we just haven't decided what's going on em. We'll have more mugs in future -- sheeeit, with our own press, we can do one-offs of anything that catches our fancy instead of ordering 200 Shut the Fuck Up Luke Russert mugs that you did not care for! Got ideas? Email rebecca at wonkette dot com, and be sure to be super abusive about it!
We got men's shirts, and women's shirts, and panties and a mug (see above!) and refrigerator magnets and stickers (they are tinier than we thought so we're not charging hardly anything for em), and we could put her on an apron if you want her on an apron! (We can put anything on an apron, WE GOT APRONS SHAN. I figure they'll be $19.99, with free shipping, and if you want something ELSE on an apron, email rebecca at wonkette dot com!)
The Wonkette kitten! Get her on a t-shirt like our famous anonymous friend below, or on AN APRON (call me) or on a cup, or on a onesie for a baby that you like! That one doesn't have a whip! DO IT NOW!
HATS! We got so many hats! They say "impeach" or "HELL. NO." or "literally anyone else 2020," or all three in one package, and soon they will say other things, because we will be making them, right in our home!
TOTE BAGS! Go to the farmers market for your organic artisanal airballs and put them in these nice totes! We can put Kamala or whatever on them too, you got ideas, you know who to email. Fuckin' A!
Other random shit! We got NRA Weak Sad Poop stickers (we could put that on an apron too!) and Elizabeth Warren hotness shirts and Commie Girl Collective stuff and the ensaddening Wonkette Game Of Elections 2016: The Wonkette Elections Game. You could give that to a Trumper, so they can relive their FLAWLESS VICTORY over and over again! And you could know in your heart that they are stupid and dumb.
Go to the Wonkette Bazaar, everything is free shipping in the US, and TEAR IT THE FUCK UP.
You know: tomorrow.
Don't forget your Wonkette is AD-FREE and supported ONLY by YOU. Yes, you should buy stuff (and if you're shopping on Amazon, use the link in the sidebar!), it for sure super-helps, and also you should just plain get out your wallet and give us money.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.