PA GOP Gov. Candidate Doug Mastriano Mad At Imaginary Thing
He thinks they are teaching pole dancing in elementary schools.
At a recent campaign event, Republican Doug Mastriano vowed that, if elected governor of Pennsylvania, he will put an end to a variety of things that are not actually happening in public schools.
"On day one, the sexualization of our kids, pole dancing, and all this other crap that's going on will be forbidden in our schools," he explained, without any evidence that it was actually occurring anywhere.
In truth, I don't see a huge amount of difference between "pole fitness" (as they call it when it's for working out and not for sexy times) and a lot of what I was doing in gymnastics as a kid, aside from the fact that we associate it with strippers.
Is this necessarily more prurient than ballet, tap, jazz or any kind of artistic gymnastics? Is it sexier than Balanchine's Agon or Flindt's The Lesson ? I'm not convinced that it is.
Dance — practically any form of dance, other than square dance — is always going to be seen as inherently sexual on some level, it is always going to scare some ignorant people. Thus the entire plot of Footloose .
That being said, they're not freaking teaching it in grade schools! That is not happening. Absolutely no one, anywhere, is trying to do pole dancing in schools.
They're also not passing out copies of Hustler , though that may come as a surprise to Mastriano, who also promised to ban the "graphic, pornographic books that are in elementary schools." It's hard to tell what he is talking about, but I'm just going to assume it's Mama Bear (from the Berenstain Bears) wearing a damn nightgown everywhere she goes, like some kind of hussy.
They are not teaching Critical Race Theory, which he also plans to ban. This will be difficult given that he does not seem to be entirely clear on what it is. Literally anything, as far as Doug Mastriano is concerned, could very well be Critical Race Theory.
We can probably assume he also plans to ban leprechauns, telekinesis, human size rabbits that can only be seen by one person, perpetual motion machines and time travel — especially if it is to kill Hitler, as that could easily fall under Doug Mastriano's personal definition of Critical Race Theory.
All jokes aside, there is an actual danger here. Not only is the Right losing its already tenuous grip on reality, but it's being convinced there are groomers and pedophiles around every corner. This has never led to anything good. Perpetuating the idea that it is common to want to sexualize children is also fairly problematic. While obviously pedophiles and child sex abusers do exist (the vast majority of those who commit acts of child sexual abuse are not actual pedophiles ), they are the aberrance, not the norm. There is not a mass conspiracy to sexualize children, but there is a mass conspiracy to demonize the Left, and let's be real, all they can come up with is shit they dream up themselves.
Thankfully, Josh Shapiro is still way the hell ahead of Mastriano, so the odds of him actually becoming governor and banning a full slate of entirely imaginary things are low. So we can all rest easy knowing that the unicorns are safe. For now.
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Yes. Thx. I was really really amazed.
Without ever finding out who Chicken Fat was? Or what?