Dr. Oz So Mad Cheaty John Fetterman Cheating By Being On Right Side Of Issues!

For a bazillionaire, Doctor Oz is looking pretty broke these days. Even Laura Ingraham is squinting disapprovingly at his low-rent campaign, which is getting its ass kicked in fundraising by his Democratic opponent, Pennsylvania Lt. Gov. John Fetterman.

"Fetterman's total haul from individuals and committees, according to campaign finance reports, was about $9.9 million," Ingraham said, quoting a story from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and noting that Oz had loaned his campaign $2.2 million. "You have $1.1 million, closing the gap a little bit. I guess you loaned your campaign some money."

"He has five times as much cash on hand as you do?" she demanded incredulously. "Number one, is that correct? And number two why is that, given how important this race is for Republicans to take back the US Senate?"

In point of fact, it is correct. Well, it's close to correct — if you include the extra million Fetterman scooped up before the primary on June 8, as compared to $500,000 for Oz, the quarterly numbers look even worse. And, as the Post-Gazette's Jordan Routh points out, depending on the metric, Oz is losing both small- and big-dollar donors.

The gap between the candidates in small-dollar donations this past quarter was widest. Mr. Fetterman, from April 28 to June 30, raised $5.1 million from those who gave less than $200, while Mr. Oz got $153,000. The Fetterman campaign said last week that 69% of its donations this period came from new donors.

From those who gave $200 or more in one swoop or in aggregate, Mr. Fetterman’s haul was at $4.5 million; Mr. Oz’s was at $780,000.


But Oz has an answer for that and it is that the dastardly Dems are cheating by being on the right side of every issue.

"The Democrats have very cleverly taken all these issue from over the summer, the Dodd [sic] decision, the concerns about guns, and they've used these as excuses to raise money from the Democratic loyalists," he complained, before going on to blame those damn dirty libs for neglecting the yard work to focus on politics.

"Interestingly, when Republicans get mad, we go out and mow the lawn. Democrats when they get mad donate money to their party," he said, bemoaning the involvement of small donors in a political process set up specifically to allow millionaires and billionaires to ratfuck the country by buying politicians with their speechbux as God and Chief Justice John Roberts intended.

But perhaps Dr. Oz's problem — aside from the fact that he's from New Jersey, misspelled the name of his Pennsylvania "hometown" when declaring his candidacy, and seems to have assumed he could waltz right into the Senate without having to do too much campaigning — is that he's kinda bad at math. And also social media, where he appears to be under the impression that getting ratio-ed to shit is the point of the game.

Yes, that is what receipts look like at GROCERY STORE. They list the items without prices, then add up dollar signs for INFLATION TAX. Take it from Dr. Oz, a Real American who definitely mows his own lawn and buys his own groceries. Not to mention pumping his own gas.

Meanwhile, Fetterman's social media team, which does not appear to consists of three Karens from Short Hills who just discovered MS Paint, alternates between dunking on Oz and signaling loud and clear that their candidate lives in Pennsylvania and is attuned to the needs of his community.

I mean it's one grocery, Mehmet, how much could it cost, $?

[Pittsburgh Post-Gazette / Philadelphia Inquirer]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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