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DRAFT-NOT DONE: My Husband Voted For Trump: How To Live With That Actual Fucking Fact For 18 Actual Fucking Months

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It's November 8, 2016. I wake up RELIVED THAT IT WILL BE OVER AND TRUMP WILL GO AWAY. I vote. For a woman. Then I report to work--organizing volunteers, making sure all knock-door packets have the right maps, making sure everything and everyone returns alive because today Trump goes back to his gold-plated tower and never bothers us again. My wonderful husband even stays home to watch the kids so Mommy can do this blessing for America.


Except TRUMP WILL NEVER GO AWAY until he eats his billionth Big Mac and the husband who took the day off from work has to hand his wife a lot of wine at around 11 pm after she arrived home from a victory party that was never going to happen in Western PA.

And the kids? They cried. They all cried. But wait, Daddy said (the next day). Trump can't be ALL bad. DADDY VOTED FOR HIM.

And the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD STOPS. The children stop crying and just blink. Me? The chasm opened, white noise filled the room, and then the roar of woman was heard. "YOU FUCKING VOTED FOR TRUMP YOU FUCKING IDIOT OF EPIC PROPORTIONS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR BRAIN? YOU'RE LYING. YES YOU ARE! YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T VOTE!!!"

Then, the little receipt emerges from the wallet. The one that said he voted. WTF??!>!>!>!>!>%$@&^%$. HELP ME! Every thought you're having, dear Wonkette reader, Oh, I had it. First thought, Ok, you have to divorce this motherfucker. It's the only way. Trump is going to be president cause stupid just ate the world, but you can't be married to one of them or YOU'LL DIE. Yes, YOU'LL DIE. MUST DIVORCE NOW. Is there an insta-divorce service?

But then the stupidest thing IN THE HISTORY OF EVER (at the time) pops into my mind. Love Trumps Hate. I walked around with a stupid tie-dye button attached to my purse since August telling the world that love fucking trumps hate. OMG I CANNOT BE A HYPOCRITE. I have to be righteous and good and live up to my own psychedelic button words and LOVE A TRUMP VOTER. OH FUCK ME. KILL ME. SOMEONE PLEASE KILL ME.

Yes, I have stayed married to this fucking Trump voter. But not only is he a fucking Trump voter. He's AN OBAMA VOTER. This ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORON VOTED FOR OBAMA. (That wasn't the moron part.) Not only that? He came to the WHITE HOUSE WITH ME FOR A PARTY WITH OBAMA and CHEERED HIM. And STOLE SILVERWARE after Obama warned us not to steal the silverware. (This happened.)

So, what gives here? Well, the White House part, campaign fellows were invited after the 2012 election to a series of holiday parties, so quite normal. The silverware? Cheap catering spoons and forks that were likely to be tossed anyway. Voting for Obama and then VOTING FOR TRUMP? Well, the explanations in my head have evolved from the ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY to the YEAH, YOU'RE FUCKING CRAZY.

Is my husband a "Trumper"? No. But, he voted for Trump. (If you live in one of the "three states" like I do, you can see there's a difference.) Because he didn't like Hillary and told me before he went and did the thing that "they both suck and whatever happens, we're screwed, so I'm not voting." Me? "Ok, honey, play your Xbox, you do you. I have no time for this shit cause I got a fucking world to save from my fucking village idiot."

Yes, these dipshits in Western PA voted for New York's village idiot. This New Yorker? DO NOT VOTE FOR NY'S VILLAGE IDIOT. PLEASE. LISTEN TO ME. Yeah, they didn't listen. Not even my fucking husband. Didn't listen.

For the last 18 months I have heard my husband say the words "Fake news" and then realize he might DIE RIGHT THERE cause oh yeah, my wife's a fucking journalist, my bad. I have heard him say, OH SHIT, he did THAT? days after he did that. (Because he doesn't pay attention to ANYTHING. Election over? New president? Sure, where's the Xbox? He's one of MILLIONS livin' in that world, BELIEVE ME.)

And then the I'm-Going-To-Twist-Myself-Into-A-Pretzel-Now Excuses--"Trump's an asshole. I didn't vote for him cause I LIKE him. I voted for him because I hate the government and what it's become and it needs to be broken so we can start again. And if anyone can break it, Trump can."

Well, he got that right, but I had to point out, "This isn't Noah's Ark, you fucking dipshit. You can't 'break the government' and begin it all over again." Ok, I guess you CAN. But, YOU SHOULDN'T cause (MILLIONS OF) reasons.

So, what happens? HOW do you live with it? Well, every day you remind yourself you have been with someone for nearly 20 years. You've raised three children. You hold onto the words from six months in--"I wish I never voted"--you take heart in the fact that he now calls him "President Biff."

You worked for Clinton. Your husband voted for Trump. You hate Trump with the fire of a thousand suns. But, you don't hate your husband. You realize the world is bigger than Trump, although don't tell Trump that. (Or maybe do.)

It will eat at you every day for the rest of your life. But, maybe, just maybe, love actually does trump hate. If America can realize that, we might be onto something. Like maybe starting over and getting it right this time. (Since my husband broke it anyway.)

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