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Here is an obviously true story for your Tuesday morning:

Oh, DRUDGE! We know your readers are about as politically savvy as expired smoked trout, but come on, you're linking to Infowars now like it's on an equal footing with other wingnut news websites like The Breitbart and the Daily Tucker? That's valid, actually.

Let's look at the article to see how very true it definitely is:

Former President Barack Obama has reportedly asked Jay-Z to encourage other hip hop artists not to meet with Donald Trump following the firestorm of publicity over Kanye West.

O RLY?

The claim is being made by pro-Trump activist Josh Cornett, who tweeted, “Sources are confirming that former President Barack Obama has called Jay-Z several times over the past month pleading with Jay-Z to discourage fellow Hip Hop artists from meeting with President Trump.”

MM HMM YOU BETCHA! That sounds like a "reporter" with a "source" who knows about Barack Obama's phone calls to Jay-Z!

Let's see what else "Josh Cornett" has "reported" on his Twitter:

Heh heh heh "stay outside the box" would be what Jeff Sessions would say to his Hypothetical Gay Acquaintance, WAIT WHAT? These never-nude right-wing Trump idiots are now starting gay rumors about poor old Butterbeans? Fuckers crazy.

Cornett's whole Twitter feed is very funny, especially the parts where he gets really excited about court filings from the silly wingnuts over at Judicial Watch, which is perhaps the only group of lawyers in America that makes Michael Cohen look like a bright shining legal mind.

Anyway, back to the INFOWARS DRUDGE HOT STEAMY SCOOP about Obama begging Jay-Z to stop black people from loving Trump too much:

The [Josh Cornett] tweet has received over 7,600 retweets and over 10,000 likes since being posted.

Well that tells you somethin'! Like, for instance it tells you that 10,000 people on Twitter are very stupid, but only 76% of them chose to spread their stupid further, by retweeting the thing.

Also:

Donald Trump Jr. also liked the tweet, leading some to speculate that he may know that the story is true.

LOLOLOLOL if hell is real, we imagine it feels like being trapped in a brain that thinks thoughts like "Donald Trump Jr. knows things" or "Donald Trump Jr. has a face that is similar to how human faces ought to look." Thoughts 'n' prayers for SOME WHO SPECULATE!

While the story remains unconfirmed

Well no shit.

it would make political sense for Democrats to deter pop icons from being seen to endorse President Trump in any way as the mid-terms draw nearer.

Yes, somebody please stop the avalanche of celebrities and cultural icons rushing to endorse a shitty president they didn't like when he was just a low-class white supremacist celebrity grifter who pretended he was richer than he really is.

In the week after Kanye West tweeted his support for Candace Owens ...

Oh, the avalanche of celebrities is Candace Owens. Yep, she changed everything, all right. InfoWars also points out, for #journalism purposes, that Donald Trump's name has been in some hip-hop tunes.

Are we ever getting to the part about how Obama calls Jay-Z to beg him to issue a royal hip-hop decree to stop the entirety of Black America from suddenly falling in love with Trump? No, we are not, because this is not a news article. It was written purely to trick Trump supporters into trying to mash their baby's arm-sized fingers against the buttons on their computer mouse, trying with all their might to read the VERY HOT SCOOP, only to give up because their AOL suddenly says "GOODBYE!" like some kinda fuckin' dick, leaving them only with the #KnowledgeFacts contained in the headline.

Oh well, we are bored now. Guess we will go take a nap and have a nightmare about how the #Resistance was going just great until Kanye West changed everything and Obama tried to save us by talking on the phone with Jay-Z but he was too late, BLUE WAVE CANCELED, YOU GUYS, GUESS WE'LL JUST START WORSHIPING DONALD TRUMP NOW.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Don’t take for granted that the institutions you love will always be there, like democracy, and Wonkette. Click to save at least one of them!

[InfoWars]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

Keep reading... Show less
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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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