Dry Your Eyes, Wonkers, Here Is Your Precious Fightin' President
Now you can put down the razor blade, take the hose out of the gas pipe, un-noose yourself ... and, er, all the other ghastly ways the Virgin Suicides suicided themselves. We're sorry B. Barry Bamz was a little boring last night, but for sweet Jesus's sake, he wasn't that bad. You are all acting like a Dem parody with your defeat-snatching and your waaah. Now buck the fuck up, you tedious shitstains, and get a little love in your heart.
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.