Duck Dynasty Musical Headed For Las Vegas. Really.
In the greatest development for The Legitimate Theater since the boffo hit Stop the Planet of the Apes. I Want To Get Off!, the marketing geniuses who portray a family of folksy Louisiana fundamentalist Christian duck-call makers have announced plans for a big-budget musical about themselves, to play in Las Vegas, proving that H.L. Mencken was wildly optimistic about the tastes of the American public. At the very least, the whole sorry mess just left everyone in the Wonkette Sekrit Chatcave swapping lines from The Simpsons, so at least we can credit it for that. There's also this pretty good lede from the New York Times story on the impending disaster:
They’re not exactly the von Trapps trilling about edelweiss, but the Robertson family of the reality series “Duck Dynasty” wants to sing to you about faith and food, duck calls and swamp moss.
So as we say, not a total loss. It also will be titled The Duck Commander Family Musical, which, with that naked branding, should surely place it in some pantheon of terrible titles. (Yes, we know. it's no The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies. Hell, it's no Manimal.)
What will the musical be about? Does it matter, since it will undoubtedly suck, deeply? The Times warns -- and really, we are getting into Lovecraft territory here in terms of Eldritch abominations -- that it will be a "90-minute show, with actors playing the family members from A&E’s “Duck Dynasty” as they celebrate the family’s long history from rags to riches." We can only assume it would be far better with some tentacles and skies drowning in blood. For that matter, it may bring about such things. The only person who's seen the book went mad, you know.
Meh, what do we know? Maybe it'll be a surprise camp classic, like the 1976-77 Brady Bunch Hour or the 1973-74 Senate Select Committee on Presidential Campaign Activities.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.