Oh hi there, it is time for our Weekly Dance Party where we shuffle our iTunes (made by Apple) on our new computer (not made by Apple) and post the first ten songs that come up, and we STILL haven't been able to get all our old music off our old, bad hard drive, so we're still relying on slowly loading CDs onto our new hard drive. BLAH.

Speaking of "made by Apple," the behemoth corporation announced its new iPhone 7 on Wednesday, and guess what? It doesn't have a headphone jack. For really! Now, you have to plug your Apple "EarPods" (made by Apple) into the same place you charge your phone, using an adaptor called a "dongle," which sounds real convenient to us, and also like a dick joke. Or you can buy newfangled-y WIRELESS Apple EarPods, which hold their charge for at least eleven minutes we are sure. This all just sounds real great, and makes us want to state our personal belief that the Apple corporation has been on a one-way express train to lame-ville ever since Steve Jobs died, PBUH.

But what if you want to use better headphones, not made by Apple? PFFFFFFFFT. For more on why this is stupid and decidedly not consumer-friendly, START HERE.

Let's shuffle our Fucking iTunes now and see what ten songs come up at random. Oh, it is these!

  1. The Spring Standards - "Skyline"
  2. Justin Timberlake - "Take It From Here"
  3. Dar Williams - "We Learned The Sea"
  4. Regina Spektor - "Firewood"
  5. Dar Williams - "And A God Descended"
  6. Tina Turner - "Private Dancer"
  7. Garrison Starr - "Desperate Hand"
  8. "Only In New York" (from Thoroughly Modernly Millie, Original Broadway Cast, sung by Sheryl Lee Ralph)
  9. Van Halen - "Up For Breakfast"
  10. David Benoit - "Major Dreams, Minor Lies"

Here is your music:



And now we are going to make sure we take REALLY GOOD CARE of our new iPhone 6S, so we don't have to upgrade to one of those fucking things any time soon.

You may now dance.

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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