Dumb Apple Steals Headphone Jack From Your Weekly Dance Party


Oh hi there, it is time for our Weekly Dance Party where we shuffle our iTunes (made by Apple) on our new computer (not made by Apple) and post the first ten songs that come up, and we STILL haven't been able to get all our old music off our old, bad hard drive, so we're still relying on slowly loading CDs onto our new hard drive. BLAH.

Speaking of "made by Apple," the behemoth corporation announced its new iPhone 7 on Wednesday, and guess what? It doesn't have a headphone jack. For really! Now, you have to plug your Apple "EarPods" (made by Apple) into the same place you charge your phone, using an adaptor called a "dongle," which sounds real convenient to us, and also like a dick joke. Or you can buy newfangled-y WIRELESS Apple EarPods, which hold their charge for at least eleven minutes we are sure. This all just sounds real great, and makes us want to state our personal belief that the Apple corporation has been on a one-way express train to lame-ville ever since Steve Jobs died, PBUH.

But what if you want to use better headphones, not made by Apple? PFFFFFFFFT. For more on why this is stupid and decidedly not consumer-friendly, START HERE.

Let's shuffle our Fucking iTunes now and see what ten songs come up at random. Oh, it is these!

  1. The Spring Standards - "Skyline"
  2. Justin Timberlake - "Take It From Here"
  3. Dar Williams - "We Learned The Sea"
  4. Regina Spektor - "Firewood"
  5. Dar Williams - "And A God Descended"
  6. Tina Turner - "Private Dancer"
  7. Garrison Starr - "Desperate Hand"
  8. "Only In New York" (from Thoroughly Modernly Millie, Original Broadway Cast, sung by Sheryl Lee Ralph)
  9. Van Halen - "Up For Breakfast"
  10. David Benoit - "Major Dreams, Minor Lies"

Here is your music:



And now we are going to make sure we take REALLY GOOD CARE of our new iPhone 6S, so we don't have to upgrade to one of those fucking things any time soon.

You may now dance.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc