With President Typhoid Donald being momentarily slowed down by the literal plague he failed to contain, it was time this week for his surrogates to come to the rescue. Unfortunately for Trump, making sure you're the smartest person on your team means that you are not exactly surrounded by "winners."

Enter Eric Trump.

Appearing on ABC's "This Week," Donald's third favorite son (Barron and the fictional son he had in The Little Rascals, but before Don Jr.) tried to make a case for his father but just came out sounding like a Dollar Store version of Daddy.

Biden 'didn't want to stand on the stage with my father': Eric Trump on debate | ABC Newswww.youtube.com

ERIC: Jon, my father's doing great. I mean I speak to him every single day. He sounds great and he's -- he's -- he's a true warrior. He's working incredibly hard.

Yeah, no. Donald is never doing great. From his make-up to his hair to him now being a bloated husk being powered by experimental drugs, no one can honestly say Donald is doing "great." Then he called Deferment Donnie a "true warrior" when we've all seen him attempt "ramps," and saying he "works incredibly hard" when there is zero indication of that at all.

Eric quickly turned from seeking Daddy's approval by praise to looking for it by mimicry, regarding Daddy's White House Covid rally this weekend:

ERIC: Everybody who attended the White House event yesterday, they had their temperatures checked. It was outdoor. They were wearing masks. And now when we get that out of the way, I see hundreds -- I see hundreds of protests across this country that you guys, you know, unfortunately, don't cover oftentimes where people are literally burning down cities. They're burning down cities. No one's wearing masks. And they're -- and they're never condemned. Yet a beautiful protest by African-Americans, Latino-Americans who were going to the White House to support law enforcement in this country is criticized by ABC. It's really -- it's an incredible thing. I mean they took every precaution. Again, temperature checks, masks, they were outside. It was a beautiful event. […]

But why is it that it's only Trump events that are called out? Why -- why are these protests that we see all over the place -- I see them in New York. I see them in Portland. I see them in Seattle. I see them everywhere. Antifa is going wild. And no one ever talks about them wearing masks. […]

But, again, I just find it -- I find the hypocrisy so crazy. I mean, you go out there and you see these massive riots and protests in these liberal run cities and no one is wearing masks and no one cares. No one cares. The media doesn't talk about them.

That was a long rambling word salad, but let's tackle whatever his points were:

First, doing temperature checks and not mandating masks or having proper social distance is pointless. It's essentially like saying getting tested regularly for HIV will prevent you from getting it even though you are having a lot of unprotected sex. But coming from the son of a guy who's only war was not catching an STD (that we know of), it's not surprising that they've have failed in their response to Covid-19.

As far as this false equivalence between Trump's staged rally and actual peaceful protestors, ABC's Jon Karl wasn't having it:

KARL: I mean, we have covered the protests and I do see a lot of protesters wearing masks as well.

Karl is correct. Not only are most protests outside, but most protestors are wearing masks for numerous reasons. Whether it's because of Covid or to protect their identities from nationalist bootlickers or protecting from getting gassed, the protesters are doing a heck of a lot to stop the viruses of Covid and systemic racism simultaneously.

After Karl asked about Donald's health, Eric said something that almost made news.

ERIC: But I'm telling you I spoke to him three times that next Saturday. The guy sounded 100%. It was amazing. It actually probably goes to speak to how good some of these vaccines that are being created are and what my father's done on the vaccine front, no one could have done. No one could have done.

Karl was stunned but quickly asked him to clarify.

KARL: Can you clarify that? You said your father just took a vaccine?

ERIC: Meaning when he was in Walter Reed, the medicines that he was taking.

KARL: The therapeutics?

ERIC: -- he felt horrible. And on Saturday -- again, I spoke to the man three times on Saturday and he sounded tremendous. And I think it goes to show the power of medicine in this country and how far that we've come on COVID in the last six, seven months.

I'm not surprised Eric doesn't know the difference between a vaccine and treatment. What's a true disconnect is not realizing the type of treatment Donald got was due to being president, which is a hell of a lot for the $750 per year he pays in taxes, on the occasional years when he pays taxes. The care and experimental treatments he got are not available to the people his administration is trying to take healthcare from.

Karl then tried to get answers from Eric about the latest New York Times story about how much his family has grifted from government. Eric first tried to deflect, unsuccessfully:

ERIC: Biden has come out and said that he wanted to defund police. He wanted to reallocate the funding for police.

KARL: He's clearly stated lots of times he doesn't want to defund the police.

Then he tried the saddest lie:

ERIC: My response to that is we've lost a fortune. My father has lost a fortune running for president. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. He wanted to do what was right. The last thing I can tell you Donald Trump needs in the world is this job.

Eric, buddy, THIS job is all your Daddy has left.

We all know he's massively in debt, his markers are getting called in the next four years and he's avoided prosecution through a OLC memorandum. If Donald loses, it's a race between SDNY and whoever owns all his debts to collect his ass first.

And sadly, Eric, when he goes down he's probably taking you with him. There are not a lot of job opportunities for the unqualified, nepotistic children of criminal presidents who brought down a political party.

Even on Fox News.

Now I'm off to early vote to do my part to ensure that fate.

Have a week!

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