Timmi Lawrence

Tomi Lahren is this loud racist lady who was spawned in the "Friday Night Lights" section of hell, and because of the wonders of wingnut welfare, she has a new job at Fox News, where she probably should have been in the first place. Is she stupid, or at least willing to play stupid for a paycheck? Check. Total wingnut? Check. Blonde? You betcha.

We don't know if this is Timmi Lawrence's Fox News debut, and honestly, we don't care enough to look. All we know is that the genius who runs the Fox Twitter account thought this thing she said on Hannity was good enough to tweet out. We guess they were proud of it:

Um, OK. Cool. Fox News and Tillie Larson will stop musing like the overpaid dumbfucks they are about the completely made-up story about Hillary Clinton's deleted emails, because they are actually stupid enough to think Hillary deleted ALL KINDA SHIT about how she literally ordered the Benghazi attack, JUST AS SOON AS the real news networks stop covering the Trump-Russia scandal, which is an actual thing people are likely to go to jail over and which may end Donald Trump's presidency. Also, they are just saying out loud that they are focusing on the made up story about the person who is not in office so they can avoid the other story, which they don't like, because it is real, and they don't like it. And, again, they are saying this with their mouths, and tweeting it with their fingers, and is the Fox News social media manager a HILLARY MOLE? We are just asking.

What else is dumbass up there saying? She says she had a bunch of "friends" who were "in Benghazi" (oh really?) and they really want to know about Hillary's emails. Her "friends." The ones who were in "Benghazi." They "ask Tammy Lauren about it." We "believe her."

Here's the video if you like watching things that make you dumber:

Tori Lemming is probably very excited about her move to Fox News. Poor thing doesn't know it's a demotion, since her particular style of deafening dipshittery is de rigueur over there and she's just going to blend in with the other dumbfucks. Before you know it, Wonkette won't even put her name in headlines. It'll just be "Fox News Idiot" here and "Fox News Dumbass" there, and we won't even notice her again until she files a sexual harassment lawsuit, because that's what happens at Fox News.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Nancy Pelosi is making news again today after her weekly press conference, mostly because she said this about yesterday's nutbag performance from President Stable Genius:

[T]his time, another temper tantrum — again — I pray for the President Of The United States. I wish him and his family, his administration and staff would have an intervention for the good of the country.

She prays for him. And she's just kind of suggesting that maybe the president is unwell, in his brain. She's being very subtle!

When Glenn Thrush asked afterward what kind of "intervention" she might be talking about, she suggested that Article 25 would be just fine.

But many folks out there right now are saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT INPEACH! They are not going to do an intervention, because the intervention is called INPEACH!" (They are taking her words very literally, it would seem.) Every other damn day lately, there is news about how "NANCY SAID INPEACH IS BAD" or "NANCY SAID TRUMP'S ACTIONS IS SELF-INPEACH-ATORY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, NANCY!" and whatever else, we don't know, because we have muted all of Twitter until further notice. (Here is some news about the House Democrats' weekly meeting yesterday, most of which was about Democrats yelling INPEACH! while Nancy Pelosi gave them cold showers.)

Here's the thing:

In today's presser, Pelosi was clearer than ever about her feelings on impeachment -- she doesn't like it, and she'd really hate for the nation to get to a place where that's inevitable, she is just saying it would be truly terrible for them to have to do that -- but they might just be FORCED to go there. And wouldn't that be just terrible? Nancy Pelosi is praying about that just like she is praying for Trump, under a big oak tree that casts all the shade she threw at Donald Trump for her entire fucking presser.

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Happy Throwback Thursday! Remember Paul Manafort? He's still in jail, don't worry. But it looks like he might be getting some company soon from his old pal Stephen Calk, who just got indicted today by the Southern District of New York.

Calk was a simple CEO and COB at the Federal Savings Bank of Chicago, but he had big dreams. He'd been an army pilot and a money guy, so he figured he was competent to be either Secretary of Treasury or Secretary of Army. He'd take Commerce or HUD, or even a cool ambassadorship to France, or the UK, or the UN -- he wasn't picky. Just any old position befitting a guy who is 100 percent going to be played by Michael McKean in the movie version of this nightmare.

Luckily Calk knew a guy on the inside. Sure that guy had recently been You're Fired from the Trump campaign for ratfucking the Ukrainian election, but Paul Manafort was still waving his bits all over Trumpland in the summer and fall of 2016, so Paul Manafort had the hookup that Calk needed. Luckily, Calk had what Manafort needed, which was MONEY. Manafort's fountain of untaxed cash had dried up since the Ukrainians gave his guy Viktor Yanukovych the boot, and he was in danger of losing multiple investment properties to foreclosure. So naturally Calk stepped up to the plate with $15 million in loans to keep the wolves at bay, because what are friends with more political ambition than scruple for, right?

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