Donate

Timmi Lawrence


Tomi Lahren is this loud racist lady who was spawned in the "Friday Night Lights" section of hell, and because of the wonders of wingnut welfare, she has a new job at Fox News, where she probably should have been in the first place. Is she stupid, or at least willing to play stupid for a paycheck? Check. Total wingnut? Check. Blonde? You betcha.

We don't know if this is Timmi Lawrence's Fox News debut, and honestly, we don't care enough to look. All we know is that the genius who runs the Fox Twitter account thought this thing she said on Hannity was good enough to tweet out. We guess they were proud of it:

Um, OK. Cool. Fox News and Tillie Larson will stop musing like the overpaid dumbfucks they are about the completely made-up story about Hillary Clinton's deleted emails, because they are actually stupid enough to think Hillary deleted ALL KINDA SHIT about how she literally ordered the Benghazi attack, JUST AS SOON AS the real news networks stop covering the Trump-Russia scandal, which is an actual thing people are likely to go to jail over and which may end Donald Trump's presidency. Also, they are just saying out loud that they are focusing on the made up story about the person who is not in office so they can avoid the other story, which they don't like, because it is real, and they don't like it. And, again, they are saying this with their mouths, and tweeting it with their fingers, and is the Fox News social media manager a HILLARY MOLE? We are just asking.

What else is dumbass up there saying? She says she had a bunch of "friends" who were "in Benghazi" (oh really?) and they really want to know about Hillary's emails. Her "friends." The ones who were in "Benghazi." They "ask Tammy Lauren about it." We "believe her."

Here's the video if you like watching things that make you dumber:

Tori Lemming is probably very excited about her move to Fox News. Poor thing doesn't know it's a demotion, since her particular style of deafening dipshittery is de rigueur over there and she's just going to blend in with the other dumbfucks. Before you know it, Wonkette won't even put her name in headlines. It'll just be "Fox News Idiot" here and "Fox News Dumbass" there, and we won't even notice her again until she files a sexual harassment lawsuit, because that's what happens at Fox News.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries are fully paid by lovely souls like you! Pay our salaries by clicking below!

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

$
Donate with CC

While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

  • Saturday, Aug 11th ....... Seattle, WA
    Discovery Park, 4-7pm
  • Sunday, Aug 12th ....... Bellingham, WA
    Sunnyland Park, 2-5pm
  • Sunday, Aug 19th ....... Spokane, WA
    Audubon Park, 2-5pm

Read More

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc