Early Election Night: What's Up With Indiana?
Those of you who are privately in love with Chuck Todd will recall that he recently told us, "If Indiana is too close to call at poll close, that is good news for Barack Obama." Well, Wolf Blitzer just said, "We're in no position to make a projection yet."
7:31 PM -- Gaack too much informations to keep up with! Florida, only 3% of precincts in...their map is fucked up, says Wolf. Who will they beam in holographically from Florida to tell us what's up?
7:32 PM -- Gergen says the Obama people are really worried. Huh? Why are they sending David Gergen emails about how worried they are?
7:34 PM -- Carville: "The big ovahview heah is that theyah's a recession goin' awn." Everybody looks tense and sniffly. Alex Castellanos: McCain will be looking for the silent majority vs. the silent minority.
7:36 PM -- Why did no one tell Tara Wall not to wear BRIGHT WHITE on TV? Isn't this something all of these teevee people are supposed to know, instinctively?
7:37 PM -- Paul Begala is on speed. Thousands of people in a park in Chicago. Oh Jesus Christ is this thing going to go for the Republican AGAIN?
7:38 PM -- North Carolina Obama barely ahead with basically no precincts reporting, Obama with a big lead in Florida, Indiana with McCain slightly ahead but the polls in Gary haven't closed yet, right? Obama slightly ahead in the popular vote.
7:44 PM -- Shit, let's go over to Fox. Some blonde is talking about how Obama lost West Virginia due to white evangelical voters. Late deciders broke for McCain in WVa, but not by a huge margin. Oh this is that Megyn Kelley (sp?) we keep hearing about.
7:45 PM -- Brit Hume has not retired yet, it appears! Here is some dude who needs a haircut, standing sweatily in Florida and praising "a very flawless day of voting."
7:46 PM -- Back to CNN. JESUS CHRIST SHUT UP ABOUT THE HOLOGRAM.
7:47 PM -- This is the most physically and emotionally exhausting liveblog in the history of history. Newell will be taking over at 8pm, when every poll in the world closes. Ooh we are informed that sexy Chuck Todd is on MSNBC with free dildos, so let's flip over there for a sec.
7:48 PM -- Chuck Todd has classy holograms, of inanimate objects like maps.
7:49 PM -- All you nervous nellies, just go over to MSNBC, you will feel much better.
7:50 PM -- Lessee, commercial break, why not try the CSPAN, for lo-fi grafix and some quiet sanity. The editor of Roll Call is talking about Chris Dodd. How is THAT for boring/soothing? Senate Committee Ranking Members, all pictured in a grid...Good god SNOOZY!!! Back to MSNBC.
7:53 PM -- Odious Ken Blackwell, talkin' about Ohio. David Gregory talking about the exit polls, which we have been sternly instructed to ignore. So just ignore the buffoon in the pinstripes AND the buffoon in the awful tie. Remember how Ken Blackwell swung the election to George Bush in 2004? Yeah, sellout. He will be sent to Guantanamo with Joe the Plumber, soon.
7:55 PM -- Ooh Valerie Jarrett! She is a lady we have heard about a lot but never seen speaking. Oh she has a pretty voice. Boring talking points explaining the 50-state strategy, though. Whatever, she is a "top advisor", so presumably she knows something we don't.
7:57 PM -- ELECTION POLL SHOCKER: John McCain wins South Carolina.
7:58 PM -- Yaay no more awful political ads on the television. That is something we all can celebrate.
8:00 PM -- Jim continues your endless liveblog here.