Earmarks! Liveblogging Bush's Lame SOTU, Part II
This historic occasion deserves two posts on Wonkette, because pretty much anything deserves at least two posts on Wonkette. Anyway, George W. Bush is solving the economies right now. Are you excited? He is going to let us trust patients and doctors, and there will be, uh, some kind of government bonds we can purchase with the money we don't have to keep our homes out of foreclosure.
9:19 PM -- DO YOU KNOW WHAT SUCKS? GOVERNMENT CONTROL, THAT'S WHAT!
9:20 PM -- Sorry about that outburst, but it did get the lustiest, craziest Republican applause ever.
9:20 PM -- We must stop "jump medical lawsuits."
9:21 PM -- No Child Left Behind is a terrible failure, and it's finished, The End. Sorry about your legacy, George.
9:21 PM -- PS to all the nice folks who sent us their addresses and invites to SOTU drinking parties tonight. We thought it was probably inappropriate to post those addresses and invites here on Wonkette, sorry. But hope your parties are good ones!
9:22 PM -- Hey did you here the "Hispanish" children are doing better?
9:24 PM -- Where should we really step up some doomed military action? How about Colombia?
9:26 PM -- "Let us read off a laundry list of clean-energy stuff and climate-change stuff I've blocked for seven years because what's his name, the scary guy behind me, said so."
9:29 PM -- Good thing Bush invented the new skin cells so we don't have to procure alien ethical babies.
9:29 PM -- "We must ensure all human life is treated with the dignity it deserves." Even ... Arabs?
9:30 PM -- Yes, indeed, we must ensure laws are not "The Whiv of the Gabble." That's the one where the hobbits turn gay.
9:31 PM -- So would anyone complain too much if, say, we strolled over to the dining room table and, uh, ate our dinner that's kind of sitting there, looking forlorn?
9:37 PM -- Hey, we are back, and so is Al Qaeda!
9:44 PM -- Following a rousing, lame repeat of The Surge talk, there's great applause from at least one side of the Chamber. And then, somebody yells ... BOO YAH?
9:45 PM -- Oh man now the poor (American) guys who got maimed in Iraq are going to get dragged out to make a point about funding another gazillion billion dollars of war bills.
9:46 PM -- Two Americas: Some commenters are surprised and saddened to learn that your editor eats at a table instead of at the computer.
9:48 PM -- What do you figure is in Cheney's red-and-white journal? Poems? Sketches? A letter to Robert Smith of The Cure?
9:49 PM -- Our friends at Reason are having some swank SOTU catered event! Talk about Two Americas. We were kindly invited to attend. Is Wonkette's Jim Newell over there right now? (UPDATE I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THAT'S NEXT WEEK.)
9:51 PM -- Hey, Peace in the Middle East, finally! High Five, George, never thought you could've pulled that off .... Oh, so it's just a platitude? Oh.
9:52 PM -- YEAH FUCK IRAN THEY ARE SO IRANIAN WITH THEIR REGIME.
9:54 PM -- Remember that make-believe Los Angeles Terror Skyscraper Plan that nobody actually knew about, and Fox News had to show a clip from Independence Day? Bush just brought that up.
9:52 PM -- Let's check in on ALL the other liveblogging live blogs:
* David Weigel's at the wheel over at Reason.
* That NPR fact-check blog is actually going, if you, uh, reload the proper page.
* Ha ha, in seven years of SOTUs, all Bush has done is told really obvious, stupid lies. (According to the AP.)
* Okay, more of that later.
9:57 PM -- We are going to help "Ku-buh," and "Zim-baw-baw."
9:57 PM -- He's just flipping through the Congressional Record from a few years ago and just randomly reading introductions, isn't he?
9:59 PM -- Hooray, a NEW WAR!
10:00 PM -- Nice twins shot. Jenna has slimmed down, but Barbara is still the hot one. (NO NOT GEORGE W.'s MOM STOP THAT)
10:01 PM -- Wait, what is that one guy yelling? Whenever there's a pretty bland GOP talking point, he yells "OH!" or "BOOYAH" or something. Is it Jim Cramer?
10:04 PM -- What a night, what a night for America.
10:05 PM -- So, what do you think China will buy this place for? $13.5 billion?
10:15 PM -- Wonkette's Jim Newell is dealing with the "Democratic Response," which will obviously involve an assault on marriage, and morality, and capitalism.
10:16 PM -- Who is that woman? Is it Mary Matalin's mom? Stay tuned, maybe Jim will find out.
10:18 PM -- Thanks everybody for being historically awesome, again. It sure will be nice to get together next year and, maybe, not hear that guy Bush again. Good night!