Elijah Cummings Had Heart Surgery Today So We Made Him This Blingee

If you are familiar with Wonkette, you know that Elijah Cummings is like our very favoritest congressman. We always rig the contest for Legislative Badass of the Year and just give it to Cummings, because no matter what year it is, he is being a badass. We REALLY are in love with how his life's mission right now is to kick the Trump administration's ass every single day.

So we were sorry to hear that he had to have heart surgery today! But don't be worried, because according to the Washington Examiner, it was "minimally invasive" and he is recuperating, so that's all good!

We at Wonkette are not a doctor, but we know how to make people feel better, and it is with dick jokes. Also, we have lovingly constructed the following Blingee from scratch, to aid in the congressman's recovery:

All of Wonkette's thoughts 'n' prayers go out to you, Congressman Cummings! If you are bored in your hospital bed and want to laugh, we wrote a totally bullshit post about how your Republican counterpart on the House Oversight Committee, that idiot Jason Chaffetz, is quitting Congress so he can make porn vitamins for Porn Mormons.

As for the rest of you reading, we are very tired and it is almost a long weekend so this is your open thread OK bye see ya wouldn't wanna be ya the end.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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