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If you are familiar with Wonkette, you know that Elijah Cummings is like our very favoritest congressman. We always rig the contest for Legislative Badass of the Year and just give it to Cummings, because no matter what year it is, he is being a badass. We REALLY are in love with how his life's mission right now is to kick the Trump administration's ass every single day.


So we were sorry to hear that he had to have heart surgery today! But don't be worried, because according to the Washington Examiner, it was "minimally invasive" and he is recuperating, so that's all good!

We at Wonkette are not a doctor, but we know how to make people feel better, and it is with dick jokes. Also, we have lovingly constructed the following Blingee from scratch, to aid in the congressman's recovery:

All of Wonkette's thoughts 'n' prayers go out to you, Congressman Cummings! If you are bored in your hospital bed and want to laugh, we wrote a totally bullshit post about how your Republican counterpart on the House Oversight Committee, that idiot Jason Chaffetz, is quitting Congress so he can make porn vitamins for Porn Mormons.

As for the rest of you reading, we are very tired and it is almost a long weekend so this is your open thread OK bye see ya wouldn't wanna be ya the end.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Fox News has been LI'L BIT CONFUSED about how to cover Donald Trump's treason meeting with Vladimir Putin. There was a lot of tut-tutting from Fox's daytime journalists (the "real" ones) on Monday, but then it was Double Dipshit Time on Monday night as Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity took over the commentary. Carlson found the real election hackers (brown Mexican people who either move to America and become legal citizens who vote or brown Mexican people who are just born here, as if THAT is allowed!) and declared that Russian meddling is like number 115 on the list of things that threaten America. (The other 114 are the blacks and the Mexicans and the gypsies, because Tucker Carlson is a white supremacist.) Meanwhile, Hannity hosted Donald Trump for some kind of mutual lick-off session where Trump said that Putin had informed him that there was NO COLLUSION. It's good to have a KGB handler who remembers stuff like that!

But even then, there was a hopeful moment! Fox News's Chris Wallace committed an actual act of journalism Monday night when he interviewed Vladimir Putin, going so far as to stick Robert Mueller's indictments in the Russian leader's stupid fucking face and dare him to read them. He even asked Putin why he constantly murders people with poison. GO GET HIM, CHRIS WALLACE!

Usually the next morning's "Fox & Friends" is like Carlson and Hannity's afterbirth, but Tuesday morning was a little bit different! For some reason, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade and Abby Huntsman were not 100% pleased with Dear Leader's behavior in Helsinki! So they put on their Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski masks and did their best impression of a more dumber version of "Morning Joe," and oh my god it was SO WEIRD. Like, they would be outraged for a second, but then they would immediately compliment him and reassure him that he is a Very Good Boy who won that presidential election fair and square.

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Image by Mariordo, Wikimedia Commons

In what seems like a perfectly logical move where corporations are people, MGM International Resorts is suing all the victims of the Las Vegas massacre in federal court. But don't worry -- at least the company isn't seeking damages from them for its own corporate pain and suffering! Instead, the lawsuit is a maneuver to head off liability claims related to the mass shooting last October 1, as is only right and just. All they want is what's coming to them, like immunity from damages and some ill will from consumers, which will no doubt blow over eventually.

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